Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

Hey all! I hope everyone is persevering through January since it is a very long month. As the first month of a new year feels long, this is a good opportunity for us. We can work on our goals and prepare for a good start. Towards the end of last year, I mentioned that I would start posting regularly in the new year. I committed to that.

Unfortunately, this has not happened. I have been juggling multiple projects. Also, I am preparing for the release of “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment”. It is still on pre-sale. A release date will be confirmed soon.

I realize that during a busy period, one can feel overwhelmed and want to be sure everything is right. This includes wanting every single blog post to be perfect and flawless. This explains why it has been two weeks since my last post. I realized that this has resulted in sinking into feelings of perfectionism. It is not to say being diligent and wanting to be precise is a negative trait at all. But, leaning at the extreme end could reverse those positive traits.

For us men, who have been scapegoated in the past, making a single mistake can ruin our momentum. Even a slight mishap in our plans or tasks can have this effect. I have learned that mistakes or situations not going perfectly are a part of life.

This can be easier said than done especially for us, male scapegoats. If we make a mistake or if something in our lives goes wrong our ego takes a huge hit. From my experience, it is mainly due to fear of criticism from experiencing this constantly while growing up. As a result, it would lead to difficulties with self-acceptance and self-worth.

Imperfections are something to embrace because if you gradually improve you can look at how far you have come. Also, imperfections make you more relatable and real. This is something that was not allowed in a toxic environment with a lot of censorship. Ultimately, perfectionism will lead to procrastination.

During the quiet month of January, it has given me time to think about what is important. I keep in mind that gradual progress is still progress, no matter how small. Even the odd bad day is not a death sentence. It is a chance to be accountable and move ahead.

There are different ways that perfectionism can be combat. Firstly larger tasks can be broken down into small manageable steps. Also celebrate small wins. This is something that happened to me this past Sunday. I didn’t feel like going to the gym but I still went anyway. I didn’t do everything I intended but hit a PR on the deadlift. So, I would like you to think about what you achieved during the week. It can be anything.

As I continue to work on the eBook and other tasks, I am learning. Progress is not about perfection. It is about consistent effort. I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you in the coming weeks.