I reflected on my last post on perfectionism. I thought about a few other related topics. I had considered these within the last few years or so. Nevertheless, this thought became more vivid as I was in the middle of my workout this morning. This is a perfect segue to my next discussion.
Also, the path to success and to fulfill your potential ultimately comes from failure and setbacks. It will involve at times taking a step back, evaluating things, and doing something unconventional. I read a quote somewhere. It said, “You are not scared of the actual failure. The fear is about what people will think.” I think this hit home for me, as a man we want to be seen as competent and strong.
A tiny error or mishap could ruin this. It also goes to my experience that if a setback occurs, toxic family members start to become patronizing and unsupportive. I have now learned to ignore this, as you can’t control people’s reactions. At the end of the day, it says more about them than you. Many people are scared and feel ashamed of others’ opinions. They avoid doing what you try and project that fear onto you when you take on a new challenge.
The second fear is being seen as ‘bad’. I think this term is broad. In society now, a lot of censorship targets male behavior. This is obvious with movements like feminism and #MeToo. Coupled with messages that boys get in schools about being seen as bad.
As a male scapegoat, you are judged harshly. This intensifies as you’re given all sorts of labels. Examples include ‘difficult’ and ‘rebellious’. I believe that human nature has many layers. One can’t be perfect all the time. You are not hurting others. It is okay to have different preferences and not feel that it makes you bad. This could be a particular hobby or personal style.
I would love to hear what mistakes you were afraid to make. Were you perceived as bad? If so, how? This topic will be explored in more detail in my upcoming ebook, “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment”.
Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents" 