Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

When you think of burnout, you think of the general physical tiredness—being incapable of continuing, having no energy. But this type of burnout goes deeper. It’s the kind that hits your soul. Especially if you’re the male scapegoat in a narcissistic family, you know exactly what I mean.

You were expected to be strong—but not too strong. Independent—but only in the ways they approved of. Emotional—but only when it served their narrative. It’s the emotional whiplash of being raised in a system that constantly shifted the goalposts. One day, you were “too soft.” The next, “too cold.” You were told to speak up—then punished when you did. Told to take responsibility—then blamed for things far outside your control.

Over time, that confusion turns to exhaustion.

Burnout for male scapegoats doesn’t just come from doing too much. It comes from being too much in a system that demanded you shrink. Being authentic, having integrity, and refusing to play along with the dysfunction—all of that takes energy. And when you’ve been doing it since childhood, the toll catches up. You start wondering if it’s even worth it. Should you keep fighting for peace when chaos has always been your default environment?

But here’s the truth: it is worth it. Not because they’ll ever change. But because you deserve a life that’s yours.

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish. Choosing rest doesn’t make you weak. And rebuilding your life—even if it’s brick by brick—is the strongest thing you can do.

Even in the exhaustion, even in the confusion—keep going. You’re not broken. You’re burnt out from surviving a lifetime of mixed messages. And that, in itself, proves your strength.