Tag: #Healing

• ‘Good’ memories from the past are no excuse to return

  

  Initially, it works to keep you in contact, but in reality, bringing up past positive times does not excuse bad behavior, especially if the good memories were way back in the past. This is purely manipulation and is a way to deflect attention from what they’re doing in the background. This is because a narcissistic family will use a smear campaign by getting to control others’ perception of you if they can’t control you. By bringing up ‘past good memories,’ it is a desperate attempt to get back into your life. I would also say that it is a very weak attempt because it is trying to play into your inner child by also reminding you of what they did for you when you were a young boy. This is not a good excuse at all because if this were the case, then every interaction that gets worse in different relationships would be ignored.

  29th May 2026

  #BlackSheep, #Boundaries, #Fear, #Guilt, #Healing, #Narcissism, #NoContact, #Obligation, #Scapegoat

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• Avoid Attempts By Others To Humble You

  

  However, this is not the case, as it is used to undermine you and to put doubts in your head that you’re not knowledgeable enough or not experienced enough to pursue certain decisions. If you disagree that they indirectly portray you as ignorant.

  This is not always from family; it can be from colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. In my experience, it is a similar situation to the above; you change something about yourself or take on a new challenge, and it follows the same pattern of talking you out of it or being passive-aggressive. In most instances, it is used in a condescending way to make you less confident. But remember, the main reason that they do this is because of envy and low self-esteem. If you were in a stagnant situation, then these behaviours would not be present. Also, if you used to be a certain way, they are more comfortable and accustomed to that old version, and when you change, it is more of a humbling experience for them since it reminds them of their lack of growth.

  The way to deal with people like this is to assert boundaries straight away and to call out the behaviour for what it is, even if it causes offence. A lot of scapegoated men have had to do a lot of work on themselves, so allowing these behaviors to slide constantly is not helpful for the man you’re becoming. A better and healthier way is to reduce contact with these people. The constant defending yourself becomes tiring. This is something I used to do. I always used to think I had to make my point and put them in their place. It is helpful only to do briefly and then to disengage permanently.

  26th May 2026

  #Autonomy, #Change, #Growth, #Healing, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Positivity, #Power, #Respect, #Scapegoat, boundaries, healing, life, Mental Health, relationships

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• Why does the Universe become a challenge when you change

  

  Challenges are a part of life, but I would say the biggest challenge of all is creating a better version of yourself. This version has less tolerance for certain people, places, and systems. It is risky and takes many years to become a version of yourself that you feel proud of. It is a lonely and difficult path, but worth every second. This is how you should view difficulties in life. It is really common to think that when new obstacles emerge, we are being dealt a bad deal. It is just that when you operate with more boundaries and clearer intentions for what you want, friction naturally occurs. This can be because you’re exploring the unknown, and as I mentioned before, it feels lonely because you’re either self-reliant or no longer relying too much on people’s opinions.

  When you become more aware, you notice everything through a clearer lens and at times feel more of it. This can be inconsistency, unclear systems, or microaggressions. Also, challenges do not have to appear to punish us, but to reveal the old life falling apart. The newer version of the self needs to be involved with better people, more self-trust, and have more suitable systems to truly thrive.

  19th May 2026

  #challenges, #Change, #Compassion, #Evolve, #Growth, #Healing, #Trust

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• You weren’t raised by good people, but also not by bad people

  

  It is a tough realization when you get older to look back on the past. It is on a case-by-case basis, but for some of us, it was good, bad, or somewhere in between, with a mix of both. For a lot of us who suddenly started to see a shift where parents became toxic, it is a stark contrast between when we were infants, toddlers, little kids, until we were teenagers and young adults. This is where there was a shift, and it can seem that it defined everything in your life, but it didn’t.

  If you’re reading this, this means you probably overcame it by being a better man, but most importantly, a better person. I remember years back, when I encountered various people who would always comment on how I came from a good family. In my head, I used to laugh a bit and wonder if only they knew. In reality, it means you were around toxic people, but you did not let that stop you, and it is not the defining factor of your story. This means they didn’t really raise you because you had to ignore all the toxicity, but also to trust your own judgement and to practically raise yourself.

  1st May 2026

  #Growth, #Healing, #Identity, #Maturity, #NarcissismAwareness, #Patterns, #Scapegoat

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• The Use of Proxies and Children to Bypass Sovereignty

  

  You have done the tough part. You have cut off all toxic and narcissistic family members. You have set clear boundaries. You have a life free from their negative influence and behaviors. Then, suddenly, a new variable is introduced. It is the new additions, the future generation.

  This would involve when you decide to have children. Also, the future children of other family members, like siblings and cousins. Since you became wise to their games and manipulation trips, they have lost leverage over you. Since they become volatile over time, they burn bridges that are very hard to reinstate. The next default setting is to make attempts by gaining access to you via a proxy. It is very much like how they would use flying monkeys to gather information from you. If they can’t hoover you back in, they use children as a way to dangle candy your way. It would involve getting back in contact with you to announce that someone is expecting. You would hear their fake excitement when they announce that you’re going to be an uncle. Another tactic they use is to pry into your own life and find out if you have any children.

  As harsh as this sounds, the best thing to do is to ignore it. They show you pregnancy scans and newborn pictures to try to get you back. They’re trying to use a fake moral compass; surely no one will ignore a newborn baby. They see this as a way to get back into your life. It is not genuine. Besides, the newborn baby has no agency. They can mold them to whatever they want. It is like how they were brought up and became who they are, unfortunately.

  17th Feb 2026

  #Agency, #BlackSheep, #Boundaries, #Generations, #Healing, #Intergeneration, #NarcissismAwareness, #NoContact, #Proxies, #Toxic

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• Narcissists Living Vicariously Through The Male Black Sheep

  It is easy to feel like the black sheep. You internalize a lot of blame. At times, you will also think that everything is your fault. You seem to feel like you’re running a hamster wheel. You are unsure of where it ends. You don’t know where you’re actually heading. This is a common theme with narcissistic and toxic family members. They want to keep you guessing. They want you to question what you need to do next. A lot of the time, this happens because they’re never really satisfied with anything. More importantly, they don’t truly know what they want from life.

  But to try and find what they want, they use you as a prop to fulfill that void. It is very dysfunctional and unsustainable. They use coercive tactics. They group together to mold you into the way they think you should be. This is done through making you overly compliant and very polite to a fault. They guilt-trip you by conditioning you to fall more into your feminine frame rather than the masculine. It makes you seem non-threatening and harmless. They also want to make you be overly selfless. They lack those traits themselves. Hence, they need you to have them to feel better about themselves. Also since you’re related to them, it reflects positively on them to the outside world.

  They exaggerate certain traits to emphasize their importance. They need you far more than you need them. This is a very deceitful way to coerce someone. Yet, down the line, you don’t take it personally. You recognize the games being played. They eventually do this to the Golden child as well.

  13th Feb 2026

  #BlackSheep, #Codependency, #GoldenChild, #Healing, #Identity, #Narcissism, #Passivity, #Perfectionism, #Scapegoat, #Truth

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• Respect Is The Goal, Regardless of The Consequences

  

  Respect for oneself is key to inspiring others to do the same for you. It makes a lot of logical sense. Unfortunately, not everyone would see it that way. No matter how you carry yourself, there will still be individuals who do not respect you.

  A big mistake many male black sheep make is trying to gain approval from toxic family members. They have a strong wish to be liked. For nearly half my life, I was a big culprit of this. I realized I was operating from a faulty, dysfunctional system. Not only does it result in getting less approval, but also less respect. You see, in a toxic narcissistic family, the goal is to keep you on a hamster wheel. Always running but with no clear purpose. The goal is for them to justify respecting you less while your own self-respect slips away. This is very unsustainable.

  The outcome is to gain your self-respect. Even if toxic individuals don’t want to admit it, they will have to respect you. You convey this through your demeanor and outlook. Narcissistic individuals also behave like children and teenagers. When you have a strong, self-respecting adult frame, you’re sending that message out. It also means you’re showing that you deserve respect. This sounds bad, but you have to use their own logic against them. They have an unreasonable sense of entitlement, so you have to beat them by exuding and commanding respect.

  It does not matter if you’re perceived as a bad person. The keyword is ‘perceived’; it is not how you’re, but this is how they would want to frame it. You will get people who would consider you bad or unreasonable. But, gaining more respect can come at a price to reputation. Overall, it does not really matter. In this scenario, it is better to be seen as ‘bad’ and respected. It is preferable to be seen as ‘good’ and without being shown respect.

  6th Feb 2026

  #Boundaries, #Gaslighting, #Healing, #Honor, #Masculinity, #NarcissismAwareness, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Respect, #Scapegoat, #SelfEsteem, #SelfRespect, #Strength, boundaries, healing, Mental Health, personal-growth, relationships

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• ‘Rocking The Boat’ is Both Necessary & Healthy

  

  In the modern world, most people learn to ‘bite their tongue.’ This is especially true for men. They are taught to just go with the flow. If you go against this, it is considered to be too abrasive and inconsiderate. You see this a lot in friend circles, romantic relationships, work settings, and religious communities.

  But in the narcissistic family, the ‘boat’ is a cage. It is used to keep people locked in. They have no way of getting out. I have also observed that this works on very small children. It works on the women as well. They have no way of defending themselves. But as a man, you’re naturally more assertive and can defend yourself. This is seen as a threat, and the goal is that you do not leave their control and influence. This situation is not sustainable. Men have an ego. To use this healthily, they need to give their opinions and have their own preferences. It will seem difficult to ‘rock the boat’. You will initially feel like a bad person. Nevertheless, from my personal experience, people respect you more. They see you as more genuine and authentic.

  Plus, speaking your mind will make you feel better and increase your self-esteem. This is because you will have no regrets. This is opposed to months or even years down the line when you regretted staying silent. Malignant and toxic people will not be pleased when you refuse to be quiet. Yet, deep down, they respect this. It also explains why a lot of narcissistic people treat each other poorly. No one speaks out or leaves.

  I also realized that people who generally like you and appreciate you being in their life will respond positively. They would not react negatively to you speaking your mind. It really is a test of who is genuine and who appreciates you for who you really are.

  30th Jan 2026

  #Authenticity, #Fake, #Fawning, #Healing, #Integrity, #Narcissism, #NiceGuySyndrome, #PeoplePleasing, #Recovery, #Scapegoat, #Self-Esteem, #Truth, Mental Health, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic-abuse, relationships

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• Let Anger Be Your Fuel, Not Your Future

  

  Many people view anger as negative. If you show you’re angry, then it reflects badly on you. Not only that, but it can also be used as a shaming tactic. Toxic individuals often invalidate your experiences, views, and opinions. Even when you have every right to feel the anger.

  I am here to tell you, anger, when used in a healthy way, can be the key to moving ahead. It can also help tackle challenges and tasks head on. It goes hand in hand with tolerance. The lower your tolerance for certain things, the more you will manage to assert your anger when needed. In a toxic and narcissistic household unhealthy and unregulated anger is the default. It is used to bully and try to emasculate you. This just leads to shutting down and repressing yourself, and not being to recognize when someone is disrespecting you. If someone is trying to shame anger, what they’re really doing is manipulating you. This doesn’t just start when you are a boy but leaks into your romantic life, friendships and work life.

  There come’s a time in a man’s life where you hit a certain threshold and you need to shift gears. The anger is not about getting back at someone. Instead, it’s to put a level of fear in them. Without an ounce of fear (healthy), anyone can cross your boundaries. The problem is narcissistic family members take this to an absolute extreme. They hold onto anger and use it for a long time. It then becomes a way of life. This should not be the goal for you or for your future. Leading with anger permanently will not lead to true happiness. Nevertheless, you can use it to get out of the shadows. Make sure it is controlled and only for a very short period.

  27th Jan 2026

  #Anger, #Assertive, #Boundaries, #Growth, #Healing, #LifeForce, #Masculinity, #Narcissism, #Recovery, #Scapegoat, #Strength, #ToxicDynamics, emotions, healing, life, Mental Health

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• It Can Still Look Bad Even If It Appears Perfect

  

  Being a male scapegoat, it is easy to think that growing up in this environment would have subpar living standards. One might always assume it would be in a state of poverty or crisis. This is not the case at all. Some individuals do grow up in hard situations. But many guys in this dysfunctional scenario often grow up in comfortable and sometimes affluent backgrounds.

  This is the main point I want to get across in this post. Living luxuriously or coming from a lot of money just prolongs being around narcissistic and toxic parents. First of all, most people would assume you were provided with good clothes. They would think you attended a nice school and had an abundance of material possessions. But a lot of narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves, which isn’t a surprise. Narcissistic fathers see their sons as extensions of themselves. Sons are the ones to carry the family name, so they expect them to be a particular way. This is especially the case if the father is a high-profile man.

  Behind the glamorous life, nice home, and good family image, the son suffers silently. This occurs because they’re not given room to be themselves. They only serve their parents and, in some cases, their siblings. How can someone appreciate a good life if they’re also not allowed to prosper internally? For those who do not know what really goes on, this would be seen as ungrateful. Then again, I could ask, how could such a son manage to navigate the real world? How can he grow and learn when they’re constantly spoon-fed? The result is you don’t have a man who has grown. Instead, you have someone who is internally stuck as a child despite outwardly appearing as a full-grown man.

  This is also why the more financially successful and wholesome a narcissistic family appears, the worse they can sometimes be. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. They’re the perfect example of ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’. So remember this: what may look good to others on the outside can also hide the realities faced.

  23rd Jan 2026

  #Deceit, #FakePeople, #GoldenChild, #Growth, #Healing, #Hoovering, #Infantilization, #MaleScapegoat, #Manipulation, #NarcissisticAbuse, #NoContact, #Scapegoat, healing, Mental Health, relationships

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