Tag: life

• Avoid Attempts By Others To Humble You

  

  However, this is not the case, as it is used to undermine you and to put doubts in your head that you’re not knowledgeable enough or not experienced enough to pursue certain decisions. If you disagree that they indirectly portray you as ignorant.

  This is not always from family; it can be from colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. In my experience, it is a similar situation to the above; you change something about yourself or take on a new challenge, and it follows the same pattern of talking you out of it or being passive-aggressive. In most instances, it is used in a condescending way to make you less confident. But remember, the main reason that they do this is because of envy and low self-esteem. If you were in a stagnant situation, then these behaviours would not be present. Also, if you used to be a certain way, they are more comfortable and accustomed to that old version, and when you change, it is more of a humbling experience for them since it reminds them of their lack of growth.

  The way to deal with people like this is to assert boundaries straight away and to call out the behaviour for what it is, even if it causes offence. A lot of scapegoated men have had to do a lot of work on themselves, so allowing these behaviors to slide constantly is not helpful for the man you’re becoming. A better and healthier way is to reduce contact with these people. The constant defending yourself becomes tiring. This is something I used to do. I always used to think I had to make my point and put them in their place. It is helpful only to do briefly and then to disengage permanently.

  26th May 2026

  #Autonomy, #Change, #Growth, #Healing, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Positivity, #Power, #Respect, #Scapegoat, boundaries, healing, life, Mental Health, relationships

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• Let Anger Be Your Fuel, Not Your Future

  

  Many people view anger as negative. If you show you’re angry, then it reflects badly on you. Not only that, but it can also be used as a shaming tactic. Toxic individuals often invalidate your experiences, views, and opinions. Even when you have every right to feel the anger.

  I am here to tell you, anger, when used in a healthy way, can be the key to moving ahead. It can also help tackle challenges and tasks head on. It goes hand in hand with tolerance. The lower your tolerance for certain things, the more you will manage to assert your anger when needed. In a toxic and narcissistic household unhealthy and unregulated anger is the default. It is used to bully and try to emasculate you. This just leads to shutting down and repressing yourself, and not being to recognize when someone is disrespecting you. If someone is trying to shame anger, what they’re really doing is manipulating you. This doesn’t just start when you are a boy but leaks into your romantic life, friendships and work life.

  There come’s a time in a man’s life where you hit a certain threshold and you need to shift gears. The anger is not about getting back at someone. Instead, it’s to put a level of fear in them. Without an ounce of fear (healthy), anyone can cross your boundaries. The problem is narcissistic family members take this to an absolute extreme. They hold onto anger and use it for a long time. It then becomes a way of life. This should not be the goal for you or for your future. Leading with anger permanently will not lead to true happiness. Nevertheless, you can use it to get out of the shadows. Make sure it is controlled and only for a very short period.

  27th Jan 2026

  #Anger, #Assertive, #Boundaries, #Growth, #Healing, #LifeForce, #Masculinity, #Narcissism, #Recovery, #Scapegoat, #Strength, #ToxicDynamics, emotions, healing, life, Mental Health

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• The Breaking Point: When Tolerance Becomes a Trap

  

  It is officially 2026, and we’re now in the last year of the mid-2020s. Most people are planning and talking. They discuss what they want to achieve. They talk about what they want to do. They consider what they want to experience. Then they think about where they want to go and what they want to change.

  A dark cloud suddenly hangs above their head. They think about the last year. They look at what went wrong. They review the mistakes made. They ruminate on the goals that were not yet achieved. They ponder the problems that occurred and the bad things that happened. Honestly, this is a completely natural thing to do, and it’s something I often find myself doing. But let’s not be too hard on ourselves. Instead, we need to be harder on other things, what I mean is, with what we tolerate. They say patience is a virtue. This is true. Thus, tolerance becomes important. We all have to endure pain, struggle, and stagnation. This is what builds character. But if you’re too tolerant of the wrong things, it becomes a hindrance.

  If you become tolerant of certain behaviors from others, especially family members, you send the message that it is okay. You’re indirectly saying that it is acceptable. You are also suggesting that it can continue. This also applies to colleagues and a job you’re not satisfied with. Instead of tolerance being a path to making you feel better, you start to feel worse. You then accept your lot in life and believe you deserve the things you’re tolerated. I find that in this society, we are taught tolerance to a fault, particularly when it comes to people. I feel tolerance for people (depending on the scenario) should be the last priority. As you should build that tolerance for your own life, your own goals, and preferences.

  Tolerance can be used as a weapon by others. When you show less tolerance, you become the bad guy. It has nothing to do with being mean or an asshole, but rather less tolerance equals more self-respect. Also, when you become less tolerant, people will then have to rethink how they conduct themselves around you.

  As we’re in a New Year, let’s all decide what we’re willing to tolerate. At the same time, we should recognize what we shouldn’t. This makes the difference between a well-spent year and a year wasted.

  2nd Jan 2026

  #Change, #FreshStart, #Growth, #Healing, #NewYear, #Patience, #Tolerance, life, love, Mental Health, relationships

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• Starting To Identify What You Do Not Want

  

  A difficulty that a lot of us face is not knowing what we actually want. It seems simple at first for the basic things. A lot of us know what restaurant we like to eat at. We also know who our favorite sports team is and our favorite place to go on holiday. Yet, I find that we can get stuck. For our core needs, goals, and aspirations, it becomes more of a challenge.

  We may not know how to verbalize or precisely pinpoint what we want yet. But believe me that deep down we really know it, especially as a man. We are meant to be decisive and take charge in what we want. This is something naturally ingrained. We know it when we’re deciding the venue for a date. We know it when we’re wanting a new car. We know it when choosing a property to buy for the long-term. It is important and crucial for a mans development and personal happiness. Instead some of us were not giving the appropriate tools to practice and hone this. This is especially true if you had rigid cult-like household growing up.

  You would only be guided to a certain path, though I say that loosely. It was more about control and coercion. For those of certain backgrounds, like African or Indian, you’re typically told that university is the only way. There is no guidance to explore other opportunities for other areas, like the trades and the arts. I believe that this causes most of us to be unsure of what we want. University is less valuable than it was many decades ago. In fact, most degrees are useless unless you want to become a doctor.

  Ultimately, it leads you to settle for less not knowing what you truly want. There is another perspective. Instead of focusing right away on what you want, it’s more useful to think about what you don’t want. This has also made it a lot easier for myself. I realized if I uphold no boundaries for what I don’t want, what I want can’t truly happen. It becomes difficult. So by putting together a list or itinerary what you don’t want it creates a blueprint. It is basically the bigger picture, so you should decide on this holistically.

  For instance, it can be as simple as not being around people who are always negative. Another idea is avoiding living in a certain city or neighborhood. You can also find certain attributes you do not want in a future partner/spouse. These are just examples. I realized that cutting ties with toxic family members helps. When you go no contact, it becomes much easier recognizing what you don’t want. After being in such an environment, I would accept most things. Later, it shocked me to realize how easy it was to decide what I do not want.

  On that note, happy December 1st. It is the start of a new month. Hopefully, you can use this opportunity to start addressing what you truly don’t want. This is something I continuously do. It doesn’t stop. Ultimately, it will lead us all to what we truly want.

  1st Dec 2025

  #December, #NewMonth, #SelfAwareness, #SelfCare, #SelfEsteem, boundaries, Growth, healing, life, love, menshealth, Mental Health, Positivity, relationships, Scapegoat

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• Give Thanks to Who You Are!

  

  For my American brothers Thanksgiving means different things to different people. Also, the ways in which it is celebrated differ. The type of food you eat on that day differs. Who you would spend it with also differs, as well as the traditions you engage in. What doesn’t change is that you all would feel thankful for something. Even if you don’t do anything else you can always still be thankful.

  I am not an American. Still, I can resonate with the meaning of this US holiday. It doesn’t truly hit close to home. No pun intended. The concept of being ‘thankful’ can be applied to different areas. If you find yourself as the scapegoat within a narcissist family, focus on yourself. Be thankful for who you are. On the surface, this may appear to be selfish and contradictory. For most of us, this is a vital practice. This is especially important during this time of year.

  I am thankful for quite a lot, even if all hasn’t gone to plan yet. For one, I am really grateful for being healthy and active. I am also thankful for the great and positive experiences I have had throughout life. I look forward to more of these happening in the future. I also am thankful for positive interactions and relationships which has lead to building a bond and trust with others. I am extremely grateful for my future.

  For now, I am being modest in what I am grateful for. Honestly, I could elaborate endlessly. I can probably do a blog post about what I am grateful for about myself. It would definitely come across as pig-headed, but so what. For being grateful, this could be anything. It could be about being a good father or a good friend. It might involve being physically strong or building a great life for yourself. Those are just examples, but I am sure you can come up with a lot to be grateful about yourself.

  28th Nov 2025

  #Gratefulness, #HolidaySeason, #PositiveSelfLove, #Pride, #Respect, #SelfCare, #Strength, gratitude, healing, life, love, menshealth, Mental Health, Scapegoat

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• When the Mirror Refuses to Reflect: Why Male Scapegoats Face Harsher Treatment

  

  In narcissistic families, the scapegoat role is rarely about fairness — it’s about control.
  Traditionally, people assume the family resents the scapegoat because he displays traits they secretly wish they had: confidence, strength, independence. And yes, that’s part of the story. But there’s another, often-overlooked reason: the scapegoat refuses to show the illusion they’ve built for themselves.

  For a male scapegoat, this rejection can feel even more dangerous to them. In their world, you’re not supposed to have boundaries. You’re supposed to bend. You should smooth over conflict. You are expected to protect the family image at your own expense. When you stop doing that, you start to say “no.” You start to focus on your own needs without guilt. You’re no longer a safe mirror for their ego.

  And that’s when the claws come out.

  It’s not always about you being “difficult.” It’s about you no longer being useful to the fantasy they’re selling themselves and everyone else. A male scapegoat who stops people-pleasing becomes an uncomfortable reminder that real self-respect doesn’t depend on constant approval. You become proof that you can survive — even thrive — without their validation.

  They don’t just lose control over you. They lose the comfort of the illusion that everyone buys into their version of reality. And instead of respecting your independence, they double down — harsher words, more subtle jabs, sometimes outright smear campaigns.

  But here’s the truth they don’t want you to realize. Once you’ve broken free from the role, you can’t be put back in it. This only happens if you choose to step back in. Standing firm is an act they can’t bear to witness. This includes setting boundaries, saying no, and protecting your mental space.

  8th Aug 2025

  relationships, healing, life, #NarcissismAwareness, #MaleScapegoat, #Boundaries, #BlackSheep, #Recovery, #Covert, #BreakingFree, #Confidence, #HealthySelfishness, #Identity, #PeoplePleasing, #Relationships

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• How Narcissistic Families Weaponise Your Ambition

  

  Ambition is often painted as a virtue — a drive to improve your life, to create, to push forward. But in a narcissistic family system, your ambition isn’t celebrated. It’s twisted. Manipulated. Used against you.

  For scapegoated sons, this is especially brutal. You’re told to “make something of yourself.” When you start to, the same people who gave you that message become distant. They become cold, even mocking. They say you’ve changed. That you think you’re better. That you’re being selfish.

  They’ll praise others for doing far less — while minimizing your efforts, ignoring your achievements, or outright sabotaging them. If you chase something meaningful, they’ll tell you it’s a phase. If you succeed, they’ll act like it was never a big deal. If you fail, they’ll act vindicated.

  The goalposts are always moving.

  What makes it worse is the mental conflict it creates. You start to internalize their voice: “Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I’m being unrealistic. Maybe I do think I’m better than everyone.” This guilt is manufactured. And it’s designed to do one thing — keep you small.

  Importantly, ambition isn’t always about money, power, or material success. It can be about your personal growth. This involves learning new hobbies, exploring the world, or simply wanting a peaceful, self-directed life. In a narcissistic family, even that is threatening. Wanting a new experience or to try something for yourself will be painted as “abandonment,” “selfishness,” or “delusions of grandeur.”

  Your ambition is threatening. It is not because you’re doing something wrong. It is because it exposes what they refuse to face in themselves. Your growth reminds them of their own stagnation. Your wish to leave this structure puts their control at risk.

  So they weaponize your ambition. Not always through loud attacks — often through subtle jabs, passive-aggressive comments, or emotional withdrawal. It’s all designed to make you question your worth just enough to keep you coming back for their approval.

  But here’s the truth: your ambition doesn’t need their permission.

  What you’re building doesn’t have to make sense to others. It could be a new mindset, a career, or a new life. These people never saw you clearly to start with. You don’t owe anyone the performance of staying small.

  28th Jul 2025

  #Ambition, #Drive, #MensHealth, #NarcissismAwareness, #PersonalDevelopment, #Scapegoat, #Self-Care, #Vision, life, Mental Health, narcissism, personal-growth, relationships

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• T.I.M.E. To Influence My Existence

  

  Many years ago, I always assumed that time was endless. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that time is one of the biggest and most important commodities. As the old saying goes, “If you waste money, you can always earn it back. But if you waste time, then that is something you never regain.”

  In the context of my acronym, it means that you’re the architect of your own life. You should not let anyone dictate or control when or how you spend it. You should be capable of saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t serve you. Say ‘yes’ to things that will help you.

  I realized that it’s important to choose who I spend my time with carefully. It’s also crucial to consider how much time people can take. In my own journey of recognizing toxic family and people , I learned the importance of preserving time. Think of time as a currency. If someone, takes this away they’re effectively stealing a possession of yours. This helped me to have more respect and take care of my time.

  When dealing with a family of narcissistic individuals, this is even more important. Initially, you do not realize that they are taking your time for granted. In this context, there is another meaning of ‘time’. Here it is:

  T- Take Back Control– This means setting boundaries and learning to arrange self-care. This can include taking up a hobby that you have always wanted to do. It could also mean saying ‘no’ to going to a particular place. You may no longer feel that you are part of or comfortable with this place.

  I-Identify Patterns– It could be that you start to recognize behaviors that are holding you back and are an obstacle. This will also involve identifying the way narcissists can manipulate time and you can break free from these patterns. It involves a high degree of self-awareness.

  M-Managing your Time– You should learn to schedule time for work and leisure. To avoid having to feel a guilty obligation to do something you don’t want to. Another, way is to make the most of time by creating good experiences, and putting yourself out there.

  E- Empower Yourself– Its all about celebrating small wins, remembering good memories and events having hope for the future.

  Speaking of Time…

  As we explore the importance of managing time effectively, I’d like to share a deeper dive into my journey and future plans. Check out my latest YouTube video. This is where I discuss what’s next for the channel and the topics we’ll be covering moving forward.

  In conclusion, taking control of your time is crucial for personal growth. It is especially important when healing and dealing with narcissistic family dynamics. By applying the T.I.M.E. principles, you can empower yourself to make positive changes in your life.

  28th Feb 2025

  boundaries, empowerment, freedom, future, Growth, healing, Journey, life, memories, Mental Health, mindfulness, narcissisticawareness, past, personal-growth, present, Self-Care, Time

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