Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

It is easy to feel like the black sheep. You internalize a lot of blame. At times, you will also think that everything is your fault. You seem to feel like you’re running a hamster wheel. You are unsure of where it ends. You don’t know where you’re actually heading. This is a common theme with narcissistic and toxic family members. They want to keep you guessing. They want you to question what you need to do next. A lot of the time, this happens because they’re never really satisfied with anything. More importantly, they don’t truly know what they want from life.

But to try and find what they want, they use you as a prop to fulfill that void. It is very dysfunctional and unsustainable. They use coercive tactics. They group together to mold you into the way they think you should be. This is done through making you overly compliant and very polite to a fault. They guilt-trip you by conditioning you to fall more into your feminine frame rather than the masculine. It makes you seem non-threatening and harmless. They also want to make you be overly selfless. They lack those traits themselves. Hence, they need you to have them to feel better about themselves. Also since you’re related to them, it reflects positively on them to the outside world.

They exaggerate certain traits to emphasize their importance. They need you far more than you need them. This is a very deceitful way to coerce someone. Yet, down the line, you don’t take it personally. You recognize the games being played. They eventually do this to the Golden child as well.