Tag: #Patriarchy

• The ‘Fake Patriarchy’ is really a Matriarchy

  

  At first, I believed this scenario was unique to me and quite rare. But knowing that I am not the only one has helped me connect more of the dots. It has allowed me to make peace with and make sense of the situation. I used to be infuriated by this, as I felt that I had been sold a big, contradicting lie. This past weekend, a deep conversation with a friend gave me much to think about. Since we are of the same background, we assumed the Dad leads the household. We believed he was the primary provider. But in typical narcissist style, the opposite is always the truth.

  The narcissistic/toxic father likes to portray a superhuman, god-like existence. It conveys an image of someone who is very tough-minded, strong, and competent. It looks like someone with good character, grounded, protective, and principled. While they initially show these qualities, in reality, it is a facade. This is because the ultimate intention is control and to look superior in front of their spouse and children. If a man possesses and demonstrates these characteristics, surely he’s considered a decent human being. Others wouldn’t suspect that something more sinister is happening in the background.

  The narcissist father frames the patriarchy to excuse domestic abuse of the spouse. He justifies infidelity and uses fear tactics. Intimidation is his method with his children. This is sending a message to his sons of what ‘patriarchy’ is and conditions them to tolerate this. It creates a fantasy.

  Soon, it becomes just that, a fake fantasy that becomes very unstable and dysfunctional. It is not a surprise if you think about this in hindsight. Over time, narcissists get worse and more self-destructive with age. The narcissistic father is no exception. The web of lies catches up quickly. The violence and volatile affairs can lead to serious danger. They can also cause legal issues. As a result, the father’s status collapses. His reputation is damaged in their social circle. He experiences career damage and a loss of confidence.

  This then means that the extremely co-dependent wife is at times the sole earner. She tries to keep everything together. You would think that, as the patriarch, he would be ashamed of this. Instead, it becomes a tool of exploitation. He becomes a docile tyrant. He is not capable of providing as before. Yet, he still demands to be the main gatekeeper in the household. He insists on making financial decisions that he is no longer in a position to make. At this stage, it is no longer a patriarchy. It is more of a matriarchy because the wife tries to hold everything together. The foundations are shaky. It is a very conflicting experience because the wife feels more like a mother instead of a wife. From my personal experience, they also would feel like a single parent.

  The narcissistic father’s spouse is ‘the head of the house through labor and servitude. Yet, they are not the true head. They do the heavy lifting but do not have the final say. Also, the narcissistic father takes no accountability or responsibility for their actions. This is not a patriarchy. As a result, the father loses the respect from their sons. He becomes a contrast to the man he portrayed himself to be during their childhood. This was no longer a nuclear family built on patriarchy. Instead, it collapsed and became a matriarchy with no boundaries or substance.

  10th Feb 2026

  #Boundaries, #Ego, #Facade, #FalseSelf, #Malignant, #Matriarchy, #Morals, #NarcissismAwareness, #Narcissist, #Patriarchy, #SelfEsteem, #Values, Mental Health, narcissism, narcissist, relationships

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• The Patriarchal Scapegoat: How Matriarchal Narcissists Weaponize Masculinity

  

  In my last blog, I discussed the role of misandry in shaping the female matriarch’s perception of men. This perception influences their behavior. I will say one thing though. There is a lot of splitting in how they would view men. This can be seen in how they perceive their father, husband, and even their own sons.

  Much of it is compartmentalized. For instance, they categorize all men as bad. This initially applies particularly to men who are of no relation. Then they would see their husband/spouse as a model citizen. They view them as upstanding and having the perfect marriage with them. Yet, behind closed doors, there are many problems, tension, and dissatisfaction between themselves and the spouse.

  If the husband is just as toxic and dysfunctional, they never confide to anyone about this. Not even to close family or friends. So no one suspects anything is wrong except their children. The matriarch narcissist will brush this aside. She will encourage them not to tell outsiders. They are urged to keep the image fitting the narrative of the narcissistic nuclear family. They mold their sons into the perfect gentleman. They dictate that the sons have to be a certain way. They must not be like the other ‘bad men’ out there. Indirectly, she scapegoat their sons by seeing them as the problem and not her difficult husband. She imposes that they change their behavior, their friendship groups, and their interests.

  The contradiction in this situation means the matriarch narcissist fails to demand the same behavior from her husband. He is just as much a narcissist as she is. In fact, in this type of marriage, they team up in a dysfunctional way. They scapegoat their own sons by treating them as if they’re grown adult men. They set expectations inappropriately. This would also involve treating them differently, depending on their personalities. This involves a lot of splitting. One son can be difficult in general. Still, as long as he is obedient to her, the former does not matter. Another son or even a relative like a nephew appears to be very easygoing. She fails to see that because he can see through the facade and manipulation. So, he would be a scapegoat by her labeling him as difficult, rebellious and head strong. Further associating him with bad men.

  This model is very unsustainable and does not last over time. For one, the matriarch’s illusion of the so-called ‘perfect’ husband cracks. Like most narcissists, he gets worse over time. His behavior is exposed to all around them through incidents like imprisonment, infidelity, and being irresponsible with money. The matriarch narcissist infantilize younger male relatives. She latches onto those same people. They can be either sons or nephews. This happens when her marital life becomes more questionable and chaotic. She seeks their help be it financial or emotional support. The roles have reversed. Now the spouse is seen as incompetent. Even if still married, the matriarch narcissist would portray herself as a de-facto ‘single mother’. This is just to gain sympathy and see herself as the victim.

  Ultimately, with all of her actions, she seeks to create a male scapegoat. She causes triangulation and division. A father and son turn on each other. More commonly, brothers start to turn on each other. They scapegoat each other. They fail to pin the blame on the Matriarch narcissist, who was the main instigator.

  7th Nov 2025

  #Co-depedency, #Matriarchy, #Misandry, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #NPD, #Patriarchy, #Relationships, #Scapegoat, #Siblings, #Sons

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