“You had the most friends when you were the worst version of yourself.”
I recently came across this quote, and it hit deep. It speaks to a reality many of us have experienced. This is especially true for those who grew up as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family.
From a young age, we’re taught that being surrounded by people is a sign of success. In school, at home, and in society, we’re conditioned to believe that social validation equals worth. But for those raised by narcissistic parents, this belief is often weaponized against us.
We’re led to believe that solitude means failure. That without constant social approval, we will struggle and fall apart. It also This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The teenage years are especially critical. It’s when we’re most impressionable—trying to fit in, seeking acceptance, and forming our identity. Narcissistic parents, the education system, and even our so-called friends capitalize on this. They shape us into people who doubt themselves. We fear being alone and crave external validation.
But embracing solitude isn’t a weakness. It’s where real self-discovery begins.
I encourage you to keep moving ahead, whether with people by your side or alone. If alone, then you will eventually find your tribe who align with the newer and better version of yourself.
Today is an exciting milestone. I am announcing the pre-sale of my upcoming book, “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment.”Key Details:
Pre-sale Date: January 7th 2025
Official Release: TBA
Special Pre-sale Price: A further 20% off from previous price!- $10.90 (price goes up after pre-sale)
This book is more than just a story. It serves as a guide for anyone who has felt trapped by family dynamics or personal limitations. My journey is your invitation to break free and rewrite your narrative.Pre-order now and be among the first to embark on this transformative journey.
Today is the final day of 2024. I must say personally it’s been a busy year. Still, it has definitely been a year of growth. It included a period of reflection and learning lessons. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year was the importance of prioritizing time to myself amidst the hustle. As I was thinking today about my next post, I was unsure about what to post. Today is a day where a lot of people make plans or go out. Sometimes less is more. I understand everyone will be busy, whether going out or staying in. It’s a day we have dedicated to ourselves. I just wanted to put a message out to wish you all well.
The holiday period has been both relaxing and busy. I have been working and preparing for projects. I am also gearing up for the upcoming release of the eBook and the revelation of the book cover. This aspect has definitely been a learning curve. In 7 days time, I will be making an announcement of the eBook release details.
As men, we tend to get caught up in being busy and the process of what we want to achieve. Even if the process is slow, that is still progress. This is something that I always have to remind myself daily. Though it’s easier said than done. It takes time.
We’re already halfway into the decade, and this is why I am feeling good about 2025 due to this. It signifies that I have time to achieve my long-term goals and make significant progress. To cut it short, I wish all of you a very Happy New Year. I look forward to connecting with you all again in 2025!
I’d love to hear your reflections on the past year. What were some of your biggest takeaways from 2024?
At around 11 a.m. on the 11th month of the year, the wait is finally over. A new journey begins with this primary post from me to you. I remember coming across a similar blog during this Autumn-to-Winter transition nearly a decade ago, but it disappeared quickly. Now, I feel compelled to create something similar. My intention is to keep it forever for myself and for all of you. I suppose the current season has inspired me to do this.
The time for celebration and events is approaching quickly. It dawned on me as Thanksgiving takes place next Thursday for my American counterparts. After that, Black Friday will occur next week, prompting a few thoughts to enter my mind. The holiday season – or festive season, depending on your country – is rapidly approaching. This time of year can evoke a range of emotions, from cheerfulness to feeling down and everything in between.
Nonetheless, for those who consider themselves the “Black Sheep,” this experience can be even more complex. It often brings up a multitude of thoughts and feelings.
Before diving deeper, let me briefly explain what being a “Black Sheep” means. It has various definitions. It is generally used to describe someone who is distinct from the rest. This is particularly true within a family system. In psychological contexts, this is called the “Black Sheep Effect.” An individual faces negative bias from their ingroup. They are judged more harshly compared to a similar outgroup member who is deemed deviant and threatens group identity.
For men, being a Black Sheep could manifest in several ways, including:
– Receiving inconsistent criticism about your masculinity from family members who feel threatened by it, or being ridiculed as a child for not meeting certain expectations (e.g., “boys don’t cry”).
– Being Scapegoated or taking the blame for family issues that aren’t your fault.
– Experiencing tension and conflict with family members without understanding the root cause.
– Struggling with self-esteem and identity issues due to receiving mixed signals and feedback.
– Feeling pressure to be perfect and meet expectations that are disconnected from your true self.
– Feeling out of sync with your family’s values and worldview.
– Dealing with immediate family members who show strong narcissistic tendencies.
The last point is one of the key themes I intend to focus on in this blog series. I believe it serves as a catalyst for the other issues mentioned. Growing up in a narcissistic family system can be destructive and dangerous. This is particularly true if you’re unaware of what is happening and how to cope with it. Scapegoating is often not readily recognized. I wasn’t aware of it myself until I reflected on my experiences as I matured.
In the upcoming series, I aim to discuss various topics related to narcissistic parents and other family members. I will start with parents because they lay the foundation. I will also explore other relationships and topics, including gender dynamics, understanding narcissistic family dynamics, coping strategies, and real-life scenarios.
Recognizing your role as a Black Sheep can be the first step toward healing and self-empowerment. It helps you understand that the issues within your family were not your fault. You have the power to redefine your identity and relationships on your own terms.
I have exciting news. I am announcing a pre-launch for my new ebook, “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment.” In this ebook, I dive deeper into the experience of being Scapegoated from a male perspective. I also share the lessons I’ve learned along the way. The pre-launch is set for December 2nd, 2024! More details about the full release will be confirmed closer to that date in my next post.
In the meantime, I invite you to share experiences that resonate with you. Share any experiences with men you know in your life. “What has your experience been as a Black Sheep in your family?”
Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents" 