Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

There is something that I noticed when navigating narcissistic family dynamics or any high-conflict environment: there is an unwritten rule to manage the emotions and moods of particular people. Whoever upsets them in any way, whether it be a disagreement or doing something that does not concern or involve the narcissist. They then play a very childish mind game where you have to guess how they feel and act accordingly. It is a passive-aggressive technique used to make you a slave to their emotions because, a lot of the time, it is too much for them to handle. This also proves that they’re simply cowards, as they lack the emotional strength to deal with them.

On the other hand, their fragile ego prevents them from getting the help they most certainly need to confront their disturbing, uncontrollable thoughts. It is not your job to get them to recognise this. It never works on people like that anyway. Narcissistic people like to manufacture a relationship where they’re the child, and you’re the parent, except that they behave like an ungrateful, spoilt, and demanding child. They also create dynamics in a more insidious way, where they expect their children to be surrogate spouses. Female narcissists have a strong tendency to do this with their sons, especially if the woman is single. This is not healthy and creates a very enmeshed, codependent dynamic. In this case, you should not fall for the guilt trip, and hopefully you come to the realization that your mom is sick and needs help.

You can apply this to other relationships and situations. In the end, we’re grown adults; as children, it is adults’ responsibility for their feelings, but as adults, we’re solely responsible for our own feelings. Do not let anyone think that this is unreasonable by taking such a stance.