Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

The worst thing is not someone who is directly angry with you, who throws hurtful insults or aggressively berates you. Instead, it is someone who holds silent hate. It is even scarier than the former because when someone is overtly aggressive, it is usually much shorter and more intense. It is a form of passive aggressiveness when someone is secretly envious of you. This is because it can occur over a much longer period of time and is much harder to prove. By the way, this is the secret weapon of a covert narcissist.

All narcissists, whether overt, covert, or even malignant, do display some forms of passive aggressiveness. But for the more covert narcissists, this is their ‘bread and butter’. It’s one of the few ways they manipulate and harm people without you initially realizing it. What is disturbing about this behavior from narcissists is that it is not about obvious things like wealth or material possessions, though those are still included. It depends on how one defines them. Most of the time, they’re envious if you’re an authentic person who is disciplined, ambitious, and confident. This is especially true if they have known you for a long period of time. It does not happen suddenly, but after many years, especially if you make significant changes to your life in terms of a career, hobbies, and even your personal appearance.

They will say things like, “you always do this” (insert whatever hobbies or plans you have and keep tabs on you. They would also offer a criticism that is not true of your actions or character. There is healthy envy where you look up to someone and learn certain aspects of them. However, narcissists’ and toxic people’s fragile egos, low self-esteem, and arrogance prevent them from doing this. Instead, it turns into unhealthy envy. Moreover, they are jealous if you’re a distinct and unique individual. This is because narcissists are very codependent and want everyone in their life, whether it is friends, family, colleagues, or employees, to be clones. When someone steps out of that, they secretly admire this because it serves as a form of supply but also threatens their pseudo-superiority. However, they disguise their envy and subtly convey that there is something wrong with you just by you simply being yourself.