A lot of ‘pick-me’ mothers try to portray themselves as incredibly secure and more grounded than the majority of women. This is a form of internal self-protection. A lot of them grew up in environments where there was a lot of physical and emotional abuse, or their needs were not met. They think that, by attaching quickly or strongly to a man, it will fill this void. But instead, it does the opposite by their trauma re-enacting in adulthood. A lot of ‘pick-me’ mothers are stunted, so regardless of their age, you feel that you have a teenager for a mother. Even if she is 30-plus years older than her children, you would get the impression that she is instead 14-15 years older than you. I certainly used to have this feeling a lot, especially when I grew into adolescence.
They frequently portray themselves as more wholesome and more principled than other women. For instance, women who become single mothers by breaking away from a toxic relationship are seen as not family-oriented or maternal. The opposite is the case, as a lot of ‘pick-me’ mothers create dysfunction by putting their children in harm’s way and also pitting siblings against each other. They are, in fact, more toxic than narcissistic fathers over time. A lot of ‘pick-me’ mothers have a lot of internal anger and rage. This is due to their early backgrounds but also because they lack boundaries, never established proper boundaries, or stood up for themselves. Over time, this builds up, and they become very controlling and mean.
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