Many would always assume that the louder, more aggressive, and domineering narcissist has all the bravado, but it actually is the more vulnerable covert narcissist who has this. The difference is that, for the former, they integrated this part of their persona very early on, and it looks believable not only to people who depend on them but also to people whom they perceive as equals or above. The opposite is true for the latter, where this works only on people who depend on them. They also project a ‘bravado’ image onto people they think are weaker or inferior.
Behind that image is someone who has no core identity and no sense of who they truly are. Deep down, they know they don’t, but they hide it from you, knowing this, especially if you’re not an adult or have personal insecurities. However, once those situations in your life change, you see the holes in their narrative. This is because a lot of vulnerable narcissists are cowards, and the only reason they got that way was that they were dominated and subjugated by the overt narcissist. As a result, they harbor deep resentment and shame. You mainly see the resentment, which explains their passive-aggressive behavior that they show you.
In contrast to the overt narcissist, they don’t show their bravado in an explosive, infantile, volatile version, which could also occur. Instead, they take on a character, and it is distinct among both male and female vulnerable narcissists. The male vulnerable narcissist would portray themselves as an enlightened and wise prophet-like figure. They carry themselves as the type of man who always knows what is best for everyone and should always have a say in people’s decisions or who they engage with. On the other hand, the female vulnerable narcissist would portray herself as a ‘mother Theresa’ figure who cares deeply about everyone and wants to meet other people’s needs religiously (No pun intended). She acts like you need to be cared for and monitored, and she constantly supervises you. Over time, you see that they rarely have positive motivations, as it is a source of control. It also highlights that a lot of vulnerable narcissists have a need to be wanted and for people to depend on them forever. This shows their codependency issues, which they try to conceal, but really they have a strong need to be wanted. It shows in their interactions with overt narcissists who exploit this.
