Life is full of uncertainty, and if you’re struggling with it, you’re not alone. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now.
For many of us, especially those coming from narcissistic family dynamics, uncertainty can feel overwhelming. We’re often conditioned to seek control, to have answers, to follow a clear path. But what if I told you that uncertainty doesn’t have to be feared? It’s a part of life that allows us to grow and create new opportunities.
It’s okay to not know the next step. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is embrace the unknown. It gives us room to explore, learn, and redefine ourselves.
If you’re feeling unsure about the future, remember this: uncertainty means you’re pushing boundaries. That’s a good thing.
So take a breath. You’re allowed to take your time, figure things out at your own pace, and trust that the answers will come.
I reflected on my last post on perfectionism. I thought about a few other related topics. I had considered these within the last few years or so. Nevertheless, this thought became more vivid as I was in the middle of my workout this morning. This is a perfect segue to my next discussion.
Also, the path to success and to fulfill your potential ultimately comes from failure and setbacks. It will involve at times taking a step back, evaluating things, and doing something unconventional. I read a quote somewhere. It said, “You are not scared of the actual failure. The fear is about what people will think.” I think this hit home for me, as a man we want to be seen as competent and strong.
A tiny error or mishap could ruin this. It also goes to my experience that if a setback occurs, toxic family members start to become patronizing and unsupportive. I have now learned to ignore this, as you can’t control people’s reactions. At the end of the day, it says more about them than you. Many people are scared and feel ashamed of others’ opinions. They avoid doing what you try and project that fear onto you when you take on a new challenge.
The second fear is being seen as ‘bad’. I think this term is broad. In society now, a lot of censorship targets male behavior. This is obvious with movements like feminism and #MeToo. Coupled with messages that boys get in schools about being seen as bad.
As a male scapegoat, you are judged harshly. This intensifies as you’re given all sorts of labels. Examples include ‘difficult’ and ‘rebellious’. I believe that human nature has many layers. One can’t be perfect all the time. You are not hurting others. It is okay to have different preferences and not feel that it makes you bad. This could be a particular hobby or personal style.
I would love to hear what mistakes you were afraid to make. Were you perceived as bad? If so, how? This topic will be explored in more detail in my upcoming ebook, “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment”.
Hey all! I hope everyone is persevering through January since it is a very long month. As the first month of a new year feels long, this is a good opportunity for us. We can work on our goals and prepare for a good start. Towards the end of last year, I mentioned that I would start posting regularly in the new year. I committed to that.
Unfortunately, this has not happened. I have been juggling multiple projects. Also, I am preparing for the release of “Unshackled: A Man’s Journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment”. It is still on pre-sale. A release date will be confirmed soon.
I realize that during a busy period, one can feel overwhelmed and want to be sure everything is right. This includes wanting every single blog post to be perfect and flawless. This explains why it has been two weeks since my last post. I realized that this has resulted in sinking into feelings of perfectionism. It is not to say being diligent and wanting to be precise is a negative trait at all. But, leaning at the extreme end could reverse those positive traits.
For us men, who have been scapegoated in the past, making a single mistake can ruin our momentum. Even a slight mishap in our plans or tasks can have this effect. I have learned that mistakes or situations not going perfectly are a part of life.
This can be easier said than done especially for us, male scapegoats. If we make a mistake or if something in our lives goes wrong our ego takes a huge hit. From my experience, it is mainly due to fear of criticism from experiencing this constantly while growing up. As a result, it would lead to difficulties with self-acceptance and self-worth.
Imperfections are something to embrace because if you gradually improve you can look at how far you have come. Also, imperfections make you more relatable and real. This is something that was not allowed in a toxic environment with a lot of censorship. Ultimately, perfectionism will lead to procrastination.
During the quiet month of January, it has given me time to think about what is important. I keep in mind that gradual progress is still progress, no matter how small. Even the odd bad day is not a death sentence. It is a chance to be accountable and move ahead.
There are different ways that perfectionism can be combat. Firstly larger tasks can be broken down into small manageable steps. Also celebrate small wins. This is something that happened to me this past Sunday. I didn’t feel like going to the gym but I still went anyway. I didn’t do everything I intended but hit a PR on the deadlift. So, I would like you to think about what you achieved during the week. It can be anything.
As I continue to work on the eBook and other tasks, I am learning. Progress is not about perfection. It is about consistent effort. I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you in the coming weeks.
Today is the final day of 2024. I must say personally it’s been a busy year. Still, it has definitely been a year of growth. It included a period of reflection and learning lessons. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year was the importance of prioritizing time to myself amidst the hustle. As I was thinking today about my next post, I was unsure about what to post. Today is a day where a lot of people make plans or go out. Sometimes less is more. I understand everyone will be busy, whether going out or staying in. It’s a day we have dedicated to ourselves. I just wanted to put a message out to wish you all well.
The holiday period has been both relaxing and busy. I have been working and preparing for projects. I am also gearing up for the upcoming release of the eBook and the revelation of the book cover. This aspect has definitely been a learning curve. In 7 days time, I will be making an announcement of the eBook release details.
As men, we tend to get caught up in being busy and the process of what we want to achieve. Even if the process is slow, that is still progress. This is something that I always have to remind myself daily. Though it’s easier said than done. It takes time.
We’re already halfway into the decade, and this is why I am feeling good about 2025 due to this. It signifies that I have time to achieve my long-term goals and make significant progress. To cut it short, I wish all of you a very Happy New Year. I look forward to connecting with you all again in 2025!
I’d love to hear your reflections on the past year. What were some of your biggest takeaways from 2024?
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