It is the 4th of July. This date signifies many things to Americans relating to freedom and liberty. It is a special day for them. Though not a universal holiday or occasion, those same principles can still be applied to other areas.
This is especially for you men out there. You have recovered from being a scapegoat. You are still in the process of recovering. When you cut off your toxic family, it may seem like you’re doing the wrong thing. It might feel harmful. But, it is actually healthy and an act of self-preservation. You’re giving yourself the freedom of autonomy and being independent in who you are. You should celebrate that regularly and have pride in it, just like Americans who are proud of their country.
The thing is, not everyone will like this, and you know what, that is absolutely okay. This is because you’re a sovereign man. By taking these steps, you not only become a free man. You also become a brave one at that. So, if this is shamed or misunderstood, understand that it often will be. Realize you’re not doing this for anything but for yourself. This also extends to the independence of your choices, your thoughts, and your opinions. Even if someone thinks it sounds wrong. It doesn’t matter. You do not need to yield to the majority.
Happy independence day to any American readers. The same goes to all the guys out there finding their own path to liberation.
After an extended hiatus, it is good to finally return to this blog. This break was not intentional, at least initially. Life gets in the way, and I wanted it to be really brief. As I mentioned, things can get in the way. I did not want to just put out blog posts for no reason or purpose. It’s summer now. We’re just a day away from the second half of the year. I wanted to return with a fresh start.
You might wonder why I am posting on Monday instead of waiting to post this coming Friday on July 4th. I usually stick to my regular schedule. However, I have decided to increase the frequency of my blog to two times a week. This way, you get a double dose of content.
Another announcement, is that I would not just return to the blog but will also return to my Youtube channel. I have some ideas of what to post next so will be working on those in he background. I thought that I was not ready to be back. I was not fully prepared for it given the demands of life. But things have got to be done. I am looking excited to getting back to it and engaging with yourselves.
On that note, I hope you all have a great start to the new month. Continue as you mean to.
Life is full of uncertainty, and if you’re struggling with it, you’re not alone. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now.
For many of us, especially those coming from narcissistic family dynamics, uncertainty can feel overwhelming. We’re often conditioned to seek control, to have answers, to follow a clear path. But what if I told you that uncertainty doesn’t have to be feared? It’s a part of life that allows us to grow and create new opportunities.
It’s okay to not know the next step. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is embrace the unknown. It gives us room to explore, learn, and redefine ourselves.
If you’re feeling unsure about the future, remember this: uncertainty means you’re pushing boundaries. That’s a good thing.
So take a breath. You’re allowed to take your time, figure things out at your own pace, and trust that the answers will come.
Nearly three months ago, I wrote a blog post dedicated to the month of January. It focused on its challenges and the opportunity to develop strength and resilience to overcome them. January often sets the tone for the year. Yet, April offers a unique opportunity for a fresh start. It provides a second chance to build on what we began. It can also be a chance to start completely new.
This is not just for the start of January but can be applied to the beginning of any time period. Yet, I thought this would be quite fitting for April as this was the original New Year. Still till this day various cultures like many South East-Asian cultures celebrate this month as the new year. Also other places like the United Kingdom have April as the start of the new tax year.
It is also the start of spring. It marks a time of new beginnings. There are changes for the rest of the year. Forget to take up that hobby in January? It is not too late, now you can start it. Procrastinated on starting a project that you meant to in January? You can still pursue this right now in April. Or, if you couldn’t start going to the gym? No problem this can still be worked on this month and beyond.
By doing the things that didn’t work out or perhaps taking longer than expected, you develop resilience. You achieve this by continuing the task during periods of stress. Continue even when it isn’t going the way you want. You can apply this to recovering from your role as a black sheep, as you may hit roadblocks and curves. Just as long as you’re capable of staying on course you can overcome this. If you’re a man who feels like a black sheep, you may be too hard on yourself. You might experience setbacks not just in healing but also in professional, educational, and financial situations.
Resilience, in this context, is about reclaiming your narrative. It’s about refusing to let past labels define your future. It’s about building a foundation of self-worth that can withstand the inevitable setbacks. Resilience isn’t just about pushing through; it’s about adapting, learning from setbacks, and cultivating a positive mindset. It’s about recognizing that growth often comes from overcoming challenges. Even when things don’t go as planned, there’s always an opportunity to learn and evolve.
For men who have been labeled the black sheep, resilience is not only a tool for healing. It is also a way to build a new identity and reject the old labels. It is not always easy. To be able to move forward, and to heal from past wounds. However, small steps are still progress, and will eventually lead to a better future.
April is a reminder that we have the power to create new beginnings and cultivate resilience. Let’s embrace this opportunity to grow, heal, and thrive.
What are your goals for renewal this April? Share your tips for building resilience in the comments below!
In today’s world, masculinity is often ridiculed. If you express masculine traits—like directness, decisiveness, or even healthy assertiveness—there’s often an effort to infantilize you. Toxic individuals may try to “knock you down a peg,” using passive-aggressive tactics or condescension to undermine your confidence. This is not about who you are as a person but rather a reflection of their own inadequacies.
On the other hand, when you do something noble or altruistic, there’s often a patronizing element aimed at emasculating you. For example, if you carry out an act of kindness or generosity, it might be met with backhanded compliments. These remarks subtly put you down and label you as “soft” or “a sissy.” This is illogical and rooted in control—they seek to diminish your self-worth by twisting positive actions into something negative.
The Shield: Emotional Control
The shield shows emotional control—the ability to let their words fly over your head without engaging in their game. They thrive on reactions; denying them that satisfaction takes away their power.
Instead of reacting emotionally, let them talk. Toxic individuals often reveal their true selves over time. Their façade of superiority begins to crack, exposing them as wounded individuals projecting their own hurt onto others. Keep your composure. Refuse to stoop to their level. Doing so helps you protect your boundaries. You also preserve your dignity this way.
The Sword: Physical Confidence
While the shield shows emotional control, there are moments when using your sword becomes necessary. The sword symbolizes the cultivation of power to protect yourself.
For example, if someone raises their voice, this is where the sword comes into play. If they invade your personal space or try to physically push you around, it also applies. Decisiveness in these moments involves using strong body language to set boundaries. Standing tall, maintaining eye contact, and speaking firmly can often diffuse these situations before they escalate further. If physical defense becomes necessary, being fit and strong gives you the confidence to protect yourself effectively.
A key aspect of wielding the sword is working on your body image. Regular exercise, like going to the gym, not only improves physical strength but also elevates your confidence and competence. Feeling strong in your own body translates into feeling strong in your interactions with others.
To take this even further, learning a martial art can be transformative. Martial arts not only teach self-defense but also instill discipline, focus, and mental resilience. Knowing that you have the skills to ward off potential threats significantly boosts your confidence. It also allows you to navigate life with a sense of security.
Conclusion: Standing Firm in Your Identity
The key is recognizing that these attempts to ridicule masculinity—whether through infantilization or patronization—are not about you but about them. Stand firm in your identity and values. Use both the shield (emotional control) and the sword (decisiveness). This approach enables you to navigate these situations with strength and grace.
For the past month, I’ve been consistently posting videos every Friday—a commitment I truly value. But, I’m at a stage where I need to take a short break. I want to focus on other projects. I need to make decisions about the channel’s direction.
This isn’t goodbye—it’s just a brief pause to get things organized. I’ll still be posting weekly blogs every Friday. This way, there will still be content to enjoy. I will work on aligning everything with my vision, like editing the blogsite, setting up mail lists, and more.
The break will only last a week or two, and I’ll be back with fresh videos soon. Thank you for your understanding and support—it means the world to me!
“You had the most friends when you were the worst version of yourself.”
I recently came across this quote, and it hit deep. It speaks to a reality many of us have experienced. This is especially true for those who grew up as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family.
From a young age, we’re taught that being surrounded by people is a sign of success. In school, at home, and in society, we’re conditioned to believe that social validation equals worth. But for those raised by narcissistic parents, this belief is often weaponized against us.
We’re led to believe that solitude means failure. That without constant social approval, we will struggle and fall apart. It also This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The teenage years are especially critical. It’s when we’re most impressionable—trying to fit in, seeking acceptance, and forming our identity. Narcissistic parents, the education system, and even our so-called friends capitalize on this. They shape us into people who doubt themselves. We fear being alone and crave external validation.
But embracing solitude isn’t a weakness. It’s where real self-discovery begins.
I encourage you to keep moving ahead, whether with people by your side or alone. If alone, then you will eventually find your tribe who align with the newer and better version of yourself.
Have you ever felt stuck in a rut, yearning for change but afraid to take that first step?
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch
“The comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” – Unknown
“What you are afraid of is usually what you need to do.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky
“Great things never come from comfort zones.” – Anonymous
What do all these quotes have in common? They explain that being comfortable might provide stability, but it ultimately stifles us from taking the next step. It is that first painful step that transforms our lives. I also believe that, as men, it’s in our natural instinct to push our boundaries. We earn rewards for overcoming challenges, whether that’s financial or an increase in pride. This is what has led civilizations to be built and humanity to evolve.
Sadly, it can be a misunderstood idea. We are taught that the ideal standard revolves around ‘playing it safe.’ I’m sure this is relatable in many areas of life. This is especially true for the black sheep of a toxic and narcissistic family of origin. We are often conditioned to avoid calling out problems or advocating for ourselves. As some of us know, it’s a painful process. You lose people, or their perceptions of you become negative. But this is where true growth occurs. When I did this in my own life, it felt very uncomfortable and foreign. Yet, in the long run, I felt much better and more mature.
This principle can be applied to many areas of life. It could be starting a new career, taking up a new hobby, or traveling somewhere different and unfamiliar. The principle is still the same. Not everyone will support this journey. It will be difficult. But ultimately, you’ll learn more about yourself. You’ll write a new story and create a new chapter. You’ll free yourself from whatever is holding you back.
It took me some time to reach this point, but I became far more satisfied. The times I was in my comfort zone were actually the most unfulfilled periods of my life. As we continue on this journey, I encourage you to embrace the unknown. Keep pushing forward. If setbacks occur, get up and fight another day.
So, what’s holding you back? What small step can you take today to step outside your comfort zone? Let’s keep pushing forward together.
We’re thrilled to share some exciting news with you! As part of our ongoing efforts to reach more readers and provide the best experience for our community. We are implementing significant changes. These changes will affect how you can access our ebook, “Unshackled: A man’s journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment.”
Yesterday, we teased some upcoming changes…
Today, we’re excited to announce that “Unshackled” is now available on Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) platform!
Why Amazon KDP?
By moving to Amazon KDP, we’re able to reach a wider audience and take advantage of Amazon’s powerful marketing tools. This means more opportunities for promotions and visibility, which will help us share this important story with even more readers.
Many years ago, I always assumed that time was endless. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that time is one of the biggest and most important commodities. As the old saying goes, “If you waste money, you can always earn it back. But if you waste time, then that is something you never regain.”
In the context of my acronym, it means that you’re the architect of your own life. You should not let anyone dictate or control when or how you spend it. You should be capable of saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t serve you. Say ‘yes’ to things that will help you.
I realized that it’s importantto choose who I spend my time with carefully. It’s also crucial to consider how much time people can take. In my own journey of recognizing toxic family and people , I learned the importance of preserving time. Think of time as a currency. If someone, takes this away they’re effectively stealing a possession of yours. This helped me to have more respect and take care of my time.
When dealing with a family of narcissistic individuals, this is even more important. Initially, you do not realize that they are taking your time for granted. In this context, there is another meaning of ‘time’. Here it is:
T- Take Back Control– This means setting boundaries and learning to arrange self-care. This can include taking up a hobby that you have always wanted to do. It could also mean saying ‘no’ to going to a particular place. You may no longer feel that you are part of or comfortable with this place.
I-Identify Patterns– It could be that you start to recognize behaviors that are holding you back and are an obstacle. This will also involve identifying the way narcissists can manipulate time and you can break free from these patterns. It involves a high degree of self-awareness.
M-Managing your Time– You should learn to schedule time for work and leisure. To avoid having to feel a guilty obligation to do something you don’t want to. Another, way is to make the most of time by creating goodexperiences, and putting yourself out there.
E- Empower Yourself– Its all about celebrating small wins, remembering good memories and events having hope for the future.
Speaking of Time…
As we explore the importance of managing time effectively, I’d like to share a deeper dive into my journey and future plans. Check out my latest YouTube video. This is where I discuss what’s next for the channel and the topics we’ll be covering moving forward.
In conclusion, taking control of your time is crucial for personal growth. It is especially important when healing and dealing with narcissistic family dynamics. By applying the T.I.M.E. principles, you can empower yourself to make positive changes in your life.
Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents" 