Tag: #Narcissism

• Two Tier Rules….

  

  Once I started to become more aware, I noticed something strange. It was happening very subtly, but it started to click. There were certain rules everyone had to abide by. If you were the scapegoat, then the rules automatically applied, especially if you strongly resisted certain demands. Even though it sounds messed up and dysfunctional, it made sense because the narcissistic family acts like a cult. It followed the same patterns as a radical religious or political movement.

  Then suddenly, it switches and then the rules are pulled from under the rug. Whether it was an action, lifestyle decision or your demeanor, what was once a rule for the scapegoat changes. It is viewed differently when someone else does it and then the rule no longer applies. This behavior is classic of a main narcissist. It is all an illusion. Imposing rules is used as a control mechanism rather than upholding a tradition. A lot of the times, they manipulate rules under the guise of culture. Over you learn the rules were also there to dedicate and decide the roles different family members have.

  I saw this once. It makes you care less about what they think. It also makes you not take them seriously at all. I learnt over time something important. If people have certain demands or standards for you, check if those same standards are applied to others. This is crucial in places like a family, friendship group, workplace, or membership club. If they aren’t, just ignore this. Even, if it applies to others, it still doesn’t mean it applies to you. We’re all individuals.

  17th Nov 2025

  #Contradictions, #Cult, #Dysfunction, #Liars, #Manipulation, #Narcissism, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Scapegoat, #Truth, #TwoTier

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• The Patriarchal Scapegoat: How Matriarchal Narcissists Weaponize Masculinity

  

  In my last blog, I discussed the role of misandry in shaping the female matriarch’s perception of men. This perception influences their behavior. I will say one thing though. There is a lot of splitting in how they would view men. This can be seen in how they perceive their father, husband, and even their own sons.

  Much of it is compartmentalized. For instance, they categorize all men as bad. This initially applies particularly to men who are of no relation. Then they would see their husband/spouse as a model citizen. They view them as upstanding and having the perfect marriage with them. Yet, behind closed doors, there are many problems, tension, and dissatisfaction between themselves and the spouse.

  If the husband is just as toxic and dysfunctional, they never confide to anyone about this. Not even to close family or friends. So no one suspects anything is wrong except their children. The matriarch narcissist will brush this aside. She will encourage them not to tell outsiders. They are urged to keep the image fitting the narrative of the narcissistic nuclear family. They mold their sons into the perfect gentleman. They dictate that the sons have to be a certain way. They must not be like the other ‘bad men’ out there. Indirectly, she scapegoat their sons by seeing them as the problem and not her difficult husband. She imposes that they change their behavior, their friendship groups, and their interests.

  The contradiction in this situation means the matriarch narcissist fails to demand the same behavior from her husband. He is just as much a narcissist as she is. In fact, in this type of marriage, they team up in a dysfunctional way. They scapegoat their own sons by treating them as if they’re grown adult men. They set expectations inappropriately. This would also involve treating them differently, depending on their personalities. This involves a lot of splitting. One son can be difficult in general. Still, as long as he is obedient to her, the former does not matter. Another son or even a relative like a nephew appears to be very easygoing. She fails to see that because he can see through the facade and manipulation. So, he would be a scapegoat by her labeling him as difficult, rebellious and head strong. Further associating him with bad men.

  This model is very unsustainable and does not last over time. For one, the matriarch’s illusion of the so-called ‘perfect’ husband cracks. Like most narcissists, he gets worse over time. His behavior is exposed to all around them through incidents like imprisonment, infidelity, and being irresponsible with money. The matriarch narcissist infantilize younger male relatives. She latches onto those same people. They can be either sons or nephews. This happens when her marital life becomes more questionable and chaotic. She seeks their help be it financial or emotional support. The roles have reversed. Now the spouse is seen as incompetent. Even if still married, the matriarch narcissist would portray herself as a de-facto ‘single mother’. This is just to gain sympathy and see herself as the victim.

  Ultimately, with all of her actions, she seeks to create a male scapegoat. She causes triangulation and division. A father and son turn on each other. More commonly, brothers start to turn on each other. They scapegoat each other. They fail to pin the blame on the Matriarch narcissist, who was the main instigator.

  7th Nov 2025

  #Co-depedency, #Matriarchy, #Misandry, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #NPD, #Patriarchy, #Relationships, #Scapegoat, #Siblings, #Sons

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• Behind the Mask: It’s all an illusion

  

  How Narcissistic Family Systems Use Roles — and Why the Male Scapegoat Breaks the Spell

  Halloween is the one time of year the world celebrates masks.
  But for those raised in narcissistic families, masks are a daily reality — and they’re not for fun.

  These family systems operate through illusion, performance, and control.
  Every member is assigned a role, and stepping outside that role threatens the whole façade.

  Common roles include:

  • The Golden Child – the “perfect” projection
  • The Scapegoat – the truth-teller, blamed and punished
  • Flying Monkeys – enforcers of the illusion
  • The Narcissistic Parent(s) – the director of the performance

  Everyone is wearing a mask…
  Except the scapegoat.

  And that is precisely why he becomes the threat.

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  🎭 The Role You Refused to Play

  Narcissistic families don’t want individuals.
  They want mirrors, obedience, and emotional labor.

  The scapegoat isn’t rejected because he is flawed —
  He is rejected because he refuses to submit to a lie.

  He won’t:
  ✅ perform for approval
  ✅ shrink himself for others’ comfort
  ✅ feed the fantasy
  ✅ abandon his identity
  ✅ be the emotional sacrifice forever

  They don’t punish you for being weak.
  They punish you because you were strong enough not to be controlled.

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  👻 When You Take Off the Mask

  Once you stop performing and begin to break free:

  • You set boundaries
  • You choose independence
  • You focus on your identity and purpose
  • You stop chasing people who don’t see your worth
  • You embrace self-respect over people-pleasing

  The illusion collapses.

  And when the mask slips, they panic.
  Not because you harmed them —
  but because you saw through them.

  Your truth threatens their fiction.

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  🕯️ Light Always Terrifies Shadows

  These families only hold power when everyone cooperates with the illusion.

  When you step away from the role, you expose the truth:

  They were never what they pretended to be.

  Your healing is their loss of control.
  Your boundaries are their defeat.
  Your freedom is the only closure you ever needed.

  You didn’t lose a family.
  You escaped a performance.

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  🎬 Closing

  This Halloween, remember:

  Some monsters don’t wear costumes.
  They wear masks.

  And your greatest act of rebellion
  was taking yours off first.

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  📌 Part 2 Coming Next Friday

  Stay tuned for the continuation — and watch my related video on YouTube @SonintheShadows.

  31st Oct 2025

  #Consciousness, #Dark, #Energy, #Evil, #Fake, #Good, #Halloween, #Illusions, #Light, #Mask, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #Scapeogoat, Mental Health, narcissism, narcissistic-abuse, relationships

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• Rise Above The Smear Campaign!

  

  When you escape from a narcissistic dysfunctional family as a scapegoat, it is common knowledge that you don’t leave unscathed. They seek to tell people you mutually know negative things about you. This includes friends, family, or other people in your circle. A lot of these things are really far-fetched and over-exaggerated. A saying goes: “If they can’t control you, they will aim to control people’s perceptions of you.”

  It may seem shocking and disappointing that a lot of these people have changed towards you. It is very easy to blame the narcissists in this scenario. You still could, but it would be giving them way too much power. In this situation, you sometimes covertly thank them as they have exposed who is people actually are. Those people in your life never directly mentioned what was said about you. They also didn’t question things more. This speaks huge volumes! This also indicates that those relationships with those people in your life were fragmented. They were not strong to begin with. It shows that these people are stupid and gullible. They believe someone who possesses the character traits of the narcissists. This highlights their poor judgment in character.

  Not only that, but these people are cowards and weak. Narcissists don’t really tear down things that are solid and tough. They break down things that are already crumbly and weak. This describes those people in your life who believed the smear campaign. All you have to do is rise above it.

  11th Jul 2025

  #Boundaries, #Cowardice, #FakePeople, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness

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• The Shield and the Sword: Boundaries and Assertiveness

  

  The Shield and the Sword: Boundaries and Dignity

  In today’s world, masculinity is often ridiculed. If you express masculine traits—like directness, decisiveness, or even healthy assertiveness—there’s often an effort to infantilize you. Toxic individuals may try to “knock you down a peg,” using passive-aggressive tactics or condescension to undermine your confidence. This is not about who you are as a person but rather a reflection of their own inadequacies.

  On the other hand, when you do something noble or altruistic, there’s often a patronizing element aimed at emasculating you. For example, if you carry out an act of kindness or generosity, it might be met with backhanded compliments. These remarks subtly put you down and label you as “soft” or “a sissy.” This is illogical and rooted in control—they seek to diminish your self-worth by twisting positive actions into something negative.

  The Shield: Emotional Control

  The shield shows emotional control—the ability to let their words fly over your head without engaging in their game. They thrive on reactions; denying them that satisfaction takes away their power.

  Instead of reacting emotionally, let them talk. Toxic individuals often reveal their true selves over time. Their façade of superiority begins to crack, exposing them as wounded individuals projecting their own hurt onto others. Keep your composure. Refuse to stoop to their level. Doing so helps you protect your boundaries. You also preserve your dignity this way.

  The Sword: Physical Confidence

  While the shield shows emotional control, there are moments when using your sword becomes necessary. The sword symbolizes the cultivation of power to protect yourself.

  For example, if someone raises their voice, this is where the sword comes into play. If they invade your personal space or try to physically push you around, it also applies. Decisiveness in these moments involves using strong body language to set boundaries. Standing tall, maintaining eye contact, and speaking firmly can often diffuse these situations before they escalate further. If physical defense becomes necessary, being fit and strong gives you the confidence to protect yourself effectively.

  A key aspect of wielding the sword is working on your body image. Regular exercise, like going to the gym, not only improves physical strength but also elevates your confidence and competence. Feeling strong in your own body translates into feeling strong in your interactions with others.

  To take this even further, learning a martial art can be transformative. Martial arts not only teach self-defense but also instill discipline, focus, and mental resilience. Knowing that you have the skills to ward off potential threats significantly boosts your confidence. It also allows you to navigate life with a sense of security.

  Conclusion: Standing Firm in Your Identity

  The key is recognizing that these attempts to ridicule masculinity—whether through infantilization or patronization—are not about you but about them. Stand firm in your identity and values. Use both the shield (emotional control) and the sword (decisiveness). This approach enables you to navigate these situations with strength and grace.

  28th Mar 2025

  #Boldness, #Boundaries, #Bravery, #Courage, #Integrity, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #SelfEsteem, #Strength, boundaries, Mental Health, personal-growth, relationships, Self-Care

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• Update: ‘Unshackled’ Now Available on Amazon KDP!

  

  Dear valued readers,

  We’re thrilled to share some exciting news with you! As part of our ongoing efforts to reach more readers and provide the best experience for our community. We are implementing significant changes. These changes will affect how you can access our ebook, “Unshackled: A man’s journey from Family Scapegoat to Self-Empowerment.”

  Yesterday, we teased some upcoming changes…

  Today, we’re excited to announce that “Unshackled” is now available on Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) platform!

  Why Amazon KDP?

  By moving to Amazon KDP, we’re able to reach a wider audience and take advantage of Amazon’s powerful marketing tools. This means more opportunities for promotions and visibility, which will help us share this important story with even more readers.

  Get Your Copy Now!

  You can find “Unshackled” on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F194YGF1

  We’re grateful for your continued support and look forward to hearing your thoughts on this new development.

  Thank you for being part of this journey!

  5th Mar 2025

  #AmazonKindle, #BookBuzz, #Healing, #KDP, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #NewJourney, #NewPath, #NewRelease, PersonalGrowth

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