Tag: #Scapegoat

• Two Tier Rules….

  

  Once I started to become more aware, I noticed something strange. It was happening very subtly, but it started to click. There were certain rules everyone had to abide by. If you were the scapegoat, then the rules automatically applied, especially if you strongly resisted certain demands. Even though it sounds messed up and dysfunctional, it made sense because the narcissistic family acts like a cult. It followed the same patterns as a radical religious or political movement.

  Then suddenly, it switches and then the rules are pulled from under the rug. Whether it was an action, lifestyle decision or your demeanor, what was once a rule for the scapegoat changes. It is viewed differently when someone else does it and then the rule no longer applies. This behavior is classic of a main narcissist. It is all an illusion. Imposing rules is used as a control mechanism rather than upholding a tradition. A lot of the times, they manipulate rules under the guise of culture. Over you learn the rules were also there to dedicate and decide the roles different family members have.

  I saw this once. It makes you care less about what they think. It also makes you not take them seriously at all. I learnt over time something important. If people have certain demands or standards for you, check if those same standards are applied to others. This is crucial in places like a family, friendship group, workplace, or membership club. If they aren’t, just ignore this. Even, if it applies to others, it still doesn’t mean it applies to you. We’re all individuals.

  17th Nov 2025

  #Contradictions, #Cult, #Dysfunction, #Liars, #Manipulation, #Narcissism, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Scapegoat, #Truth, #TwoTier

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• The Patriarchal Scapegoat: How Matriarchal Narcissists Weaponize Masculinity

  

  In my last blog, I discussed the role of misandry in shaping the female matriarch’s perception of men. This perception influences their behavior. I will say one thing though. There is a lot of splitting in how they would view men. This can be seen in how they perceive their father, husband, and even their own sons.

  Much of it is compartmentalized. For instance, they categorize all men as bad. This initially applies particularly to men who are of no relation. Then they would see their husband/spouse as a model citizen. They view them as upstanding and having the perfect marriage with them. Yet, behind closed doors, there are many problems, tension, and dissatisfaction between themselves and the spouse.

  If the husband is just as toxic and dysfunctional, they never confide to anyone about this. Not even to close family or friends. So no one suspects anything is wrong except their children. The matriarch narcissist will brush this aside. She will encourage them not to tell outsiders. They are urged to keep the image fitting the narrative of the narcissistic nuclear family. They mold their sons into the perfect gentleman. They dictate that the sons have to be a certain way. They must not be like the other ‘bad men’ out there. Indirectly, she scapegoat their sons by seeing them as the problem and not her difficult husband. She imposes that they change their behavior, their friendship groups, and their interests.

  The contradiction in this situation means the matriarch narcissist fails to demand the same behavior from her husband. He is just as much a narcissist as she is. In fact, in this type of marriage, they team up in a dysfunctional way. They scapegoat their own sons by treating them as if they’re grown adult men. They set expectations inappropriately. This would also involve treating them differently, depending on their personalities. This involves a lot of splitting. One son can be difficult in general. Still, as long as he is obedient to her, the former does not matter. Another son or even a relative like a nephew appears to be very easygoing. She fails to see that because he can see through the facade and manipulation. So, he would be a scapegoat by her labeling him as difficult, rebellious and head strong. Further associating him with bad men.

  This model is very unsustainable and does not last over time. For one, the matriarch’s illusion of the so-called ‘perfect’ husband cracks. Like most narcissists, he gets worse over time. His behavior is exposed to all around them through incidents like imprisonment, infidelity, and being irresponsible with money. The matriarch narcissist infantilize younger male relatives. She latches onto those same people. They can be either sons or nephews. This happens when her marital life becomes more questionable and chaotic. She seeks their help be it financial or emotional support. The roles have reversed. Now the spouse is seen as incompetent. Even if still married, the matriarch narcissist would portray herself as a de-facto ‘single mother’. This is just to gain sympathy and see herself as the victim.

  Ultimately, with all of her actions, she seeks to create a male scapegoat. She causes triangulation and division. A father and son turn on each other. More commonly, brothers start to turn on each other. They scapegoat each other. They fail to pin the blame on the Matriarch narcissist, who was the main instigator.

  7th Nov 2025

  #Co-depedency, #Matriarchy, #Misandry, #Narcissism, #NarcissismAwareness, #NPD, #Patriarchy, #Relationships, #Scapegoat, #Siblings, #Sons

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• 🔪The Misandric Cage—Why Narcissistic Matriarchs Despise and Control Men

  

  The Lie That Built Our Prison

  If you grew up as the male scapegoat in a family led by female narcissists—especially a mother and other key women exhibiting extreme misandry (hatred/contempt for the masculine role)—you lived in an impossible reality.

  This family system is a paradox built on a lie: the belief that all men are either dangerous or useless. This trauma-based belief, usually inherited from an abusive or absent father figure, becomes the bedrock of the mother’s emotional structure.

  But the central truth of this system is that it doesn’t want you to be either strong or weak. It needs you to be perpetually stuck in between, serving its control.

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  🎭 The Impossible Double-Bind

  The misandric female narcissist (M-FN) places the male in a devastating no-win situation. The contradiction is stark: they demand subservience and compliance, yet they utterly despise men who meet those demands.

  Demand 1: Be Subservient and Safe

  The M-FN requires men to be passive, compliant, and emotionally available for control. This is the survival strategy for a woman who spent decades fearing male authority.

  • The Problem: A man who fully complies and never asserts independence proves the M-FN’s contemptuous belief that men are weak and spineless. She demands this behavior but secretly despises it, as it confirms her own lack of respect for him.

  Demand 2: Be Strong (But Never Independent)

  Deep down, the M-FN’s innate psychological wiring still craves a partner or male figure who embodies strength, independence, and protection.

  • The Problem: When the son (the scapegoat) naturally matures into an emotionally healthy, principled, and autonomous male, he becomes the system’s greatest threat. His self-respect and boundaries are seen as a hostile act of abandonment and a direct challenge to her control.

  The result? You are punished for being weak, and you are punished more severely for being strong. This is the cage.

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  🎯 The Son: The Living Proxy of the Enemy

  Why is the son the primary target of this misandry and contempt?

  • The Physical Reminder: The son is a biological reminder of the man (or men) who inflicted the original trauma or abandonment. That deep-seated fear and hatred for the male gender is displaced onto the easiest, most accessible male target: the child.
  • The Contempt Shield: For other women in the family, the “Mrs. Independent, Men Are Useless” front is a contempt shield. It justifies their failure to maintain healthy relationships and allows them to gain supply via pity and superiority. The healthy, autonomous male exposes the lie of their shield.
  • The Plotting Paradox: You will see the M-FNs ally with predictable male narcissists in the family. This is not out of trust; it is out of utility. They will use the known evil (the dysfunctional male) to attack the uncontrollable threat (the emotionally healthy male) because they would rather cling to a controlled tragedy than face an autonomous reality.

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  💥 The Inevitable Downfall of the Matriarch

  The only way to win this game is to recognize that the system is doomed.

  I recently observed this in my own mother’s desperate, repeated attempts to contact me after significant life changes. She lost the structure that protected her facade, which exacerbated her neediness and proved that all the life achievements couldn’t fill the internal void.

  The Lesson: Narcissistic misery is not a passing phase; it is the inevitable final chapter for those who choose fear, control, and contempt over genuine human connection. They get worse and more pathetic with age because they destroy every support system they have.

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  Your Path to Freedom

  The moment you recognize this double-bind, you step outside the cage. Your actions are your greatest defense:

  • No Reaction is Supply Denied: Your silence, especially to things like the wrong name, is the strongest possible boundary.
  • Claim Your Identity: Actions like going No Contact, changing your name, and maintaining silence are the ultimate declarations that you are no longer the person they seek to control.
  • Choose Sovereignty: You are not responsible for their misery, their trauma, or their narrative. By choosing emotional health, you become the uncontrollable threat that eventually forces their system to collapse—but you are safe outside of the rubble.

  Walk away. Stay silent. Be free.

  3rd Nov 2025

  #BPD, #Feminist, #Gender, #Healing, #Inspiration, #Masculinity, #Misandry, #NarcissisticAbuse, #NPD, #Relationships, #Scapegoat, books, poetry, travel, writing

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• Speaking Your Truth Leads to Negative Backlash Even if Indeed True

  

  I have written about this earlier and in my ebook. Calling out the elephant in the room highlights the issue. It makes you seem like even more of a problem. You think you are the only one experiencing this. But, many men are scapegoated in narcissistic families. This occurs no matter their background, culture, or color. In a way the narcissistic family draws a lot of similarities to a totalitarian or communist nation. This is because there is a main leader, the head narcissist. Everyone else blindly obeys them, even if they do not want to. This causes negative repercussions.

  Not the reveal my political opinions, but this is something that is seen today now more than ever. This is where certain figures have made specific statements. They have called out certain actions in society. As a result, they have been banned on social media platforms and even arrested multiple times.

  It is something that is happening in a few countries, notably the United Kingdom. Also, I am not here to debate who is right or wrong. Yet, what is being shown is public figures are speaking their minds on topics some people would agree with. This is leading to perceptions of them being altered. It is a similar situation to going through a smear campaign where you’re demonized and portrayed in a negative light. A lot of prominent male public figures go through this, so it is not only yourself going through this. My message is to keep on going and speaking your truth, even if others get offended. Ultimately, you’re not responsible for their feelings. You’re only responsible on how your react to the backlash you get.

  15th Sep 2025

  #Belief, #Bravery, #Honor, #Integrity, #Scapegoat, #Strength, #Truth, #TruthTeller

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• How Narcissistic Families Weaponise Your Ambition

  

  Ambition is often painted as a virtue — a drive to improve your life, to create, to push forward. But in a narcissistic family system, your ambition isn’t celebrated. It’s twisted. Manipulated. Used against you.

  For scapegoated sons, this is especially brutal. You’re told to “make something of yourself.” When you start to, the same people who gave you that message become distant. They become cold, even mocking. They say you’ve changed. That you think you’re better. That you’re being selfish.

  They’ll praise others for doing far less — while minimizing your efforts, ignoring your achievements, or outright sabotaging them. If you chase something meaningful, they’ll tell you it’s a phase. If you succeed, they’ll act like it was never a big deal. If you fail, they’ll act vindicated.

  The goalposts are always moving.

  What makes it worse is the mental conflict it creates. You start to internalize their voice: “Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I’m being unrealistic. Maybe I do think I’m better than everyone.” This guilt is manufactured. And it’s designed to do one thing — keep you small.

  Importantly, ambition isn’t always about money, power, or material success. It can be about your personal growth. This involves learning new hobbies, exploring the world, or simply wanting a peaceful, self-directed life. In a narcissistic family, even that is threatening. Wanting a new experience or to try something for yourself will be painted as “abandonment,” “selfishness,” or “delusions of grandeur.”

  Your ambition is threatening. It is not because you’re doing something wrong. It is because it exposes what they refuse to face in themselves. Your growth reminds them of their own stagnation. Your wish to leave this structure puts their control at risk.

  So they weaponize your ambition. Not always through loud attacks — often through subtle jabs, passive-aggressive comments, or emotional withdrawal. It’s all designed to make you question your worth just enough to keep you coming back for their approval.

  But here’s the truth: your ambition doesn’t need their permission.

  What you’re building doesn’t have to make sense to others. It could be a new mindset, a career, or a new life. These people never saw you clearly to start with. You don’t owe anyone the performance of staying small.

  28th Jul 2025

  #Ambition, #Drive, #MensHealth, #NarcissismAwareness, #PersonalDevelopment, #Scapegoat, #Self-Care, #Vision, life, Mental Health, narcissism, personal-growth, relationships

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• Burnout, Boundaries, and Building a Life Anyway

  

  When you think of burnout, you think of the general physical tiredness—being incapable of continuing, having no energy. But this type of burnout goes deeper. It’s the kind that hits your soul. Especially if you’re the male scapegoat in a narcissistic family, you know exactly what I mean.

  You were expected to be strong—but not too strong. Independent—but only in the ways they approved of. Emotional—but only when it served their narrative. It’s the emotional whiplash of being raised in a system that constantly shifted the goalposts. One day, you were “too soft.” The next, “too cold.” You were told to speak up—then punished when you did. Told to take responsibility—then blamed for things far outside your control.

  Over time, that confusion turns to exhaustion.

  Burnout for male scapegoats doesn’t just come from doing too much. It comes from being too much in a system that demanded you shrink. Being authentic, having integrity, and refusing to play along with the dysfunction—all of that takes energy. And when you’ve been doing it since childhood, the toll catches up. You start wondering if it’s even worth it. Should you keep fighting for peace when chaos has always been your default environment?

  But here’s the truth: it is worth it. Not because they’ll ever change. But because you deserve a life that’s yours.

  Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish. Choosing rest doesn’t make you weak. And rebuilding your life—even if it’s brick by brick—is the strongest thing you can do.

  Even in the exhaustion, even in the confusion—keep going. You’re not broken. You’re burnt out from surviving a lifetime of mixed messages. And that, in itself, proves your strength.

  25th Jul 2025

  #Boundaries, #Freedom, #Healing, #NarcissismAwareness, #Scapegoat, #SelfAwareness, #Strength, #Wellbeing, burnout, health, Self-Care, wellness

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• When You’re the Mirror: Why They Need to Tear You Down

  

  “Sometimes, your very existence is enough to trigger a storm. It’s not because you’ve done anything wrong. It’s because you shine light on everything they’ve tried to keep in the dark.”

  A certain kind of pain doesn’t come from strangers. It comes from the people who should’ve known you best. Not because you hurt them, but because you reminded them of what they refused to heal in themselves. In narcissistic families, the black sheep isn’t a threat because they’re bad — they’re a threat because they’re the mirror.

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  The Reflection They Can’t Face

  The mirror you shine signifies everything the narcissist isn’t — or everything they desperately try to pretend to be. Many narcissists put immense effort into projecting an image of being altruistic, community-minded, or the life of the party. Yet, when you naturally embody these traits, it exposes their act.

  Sometimes, they react with exaggerated surprise, as if your natural kindness or authenticity is some kind of magic trick. You were just being you — but to them, that’s threatening.

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  The Image vs. The Reality

  They also try to craft a tough, macho, “warrior” persona, regardless of gender. They covertly claim traits like independence, emotional control, assertiveness, and leadership as their own. Meanwhile, they project softer qualities onto you. These include kindness, nurturing, and gentleness. They do this because they don’t want those traits to define them.

  This creates a strange tension. They might treat you like a “golden boy” for showing those traits. Deep down, they resent the fact that you express them with ease, while they have to fake it.

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  Your Strength Exposes Their Mask

  The real conflict begins when you reveal your true strength — the independence, logic, resilience, and bravery they lack. Narcissistic families are built on control and manipulation, not true strength.

  Every time you stand up for yourself, you reflect the part of them that’s weak or broken. Every time you refuse to play their games, you highlight the fact that their control isn’t absolute. To them, you’re not just defying them — you’re exposing them.

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  They Hate What You Reveal

  Your presence is a mirror to their unhealed wounds. They interpret your integrity as defiance. Your authenticity as rebellion. And your strength as a direct challenge.

  But the truth is, you’re not trying to fight them. You’re simply choosing to be yourself. And sometimes, being yourself is enough to make them want to tear you down. Your light exposes the darkness they’d rather keep hidden.

  14th Jul 2025

  #BlackSheep, #Healing, #NarcissismAwareness, #Projection, #Reflection, #Scapegoat, #Strength, PersonalGrowth

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