Son in the Shadows: "Navigating Life as the Black Sheep of Narcissistic Parents"

Why Male Covert Narcissists Envy Authentic Masculinity

You have that particular friend, brother, cousin, and even your own father who presents a carefully crafted image of being perfect, loyal, supportive, and always positive. You see them being respectful to everyone they meet and interact with. This makes them come across as individuals with good character. I believe healthy male competition can strengthen the relationship. However, you will find that some male covert narcissists demonstrate this in a dysfunctional fashion.

They use subtle digs about your personality, the clothes you wear, and the decisions you make, particularly regarding your job title or career. They do this out of insecurity and fear. A lot of males who are covert narcissists feel inadequate as men and intimidated that another man is showing more bravery and authenticity. They are envious that you’re true to yourself and don’t put up a ‘front’. This is why they scapegoat you and make it look like there is something wrong with you. They do it so subtly that it can take years to discover. Unless you strengthen your boundaries and lower your tolerance for any sort of disrespect, you will see it become more obvious. Over time, you notice a pattern in their behavior. When you begin to change, especially for the better, they seem to get worse and more passive-aggressive. Many of them are very weak men and subtly try to portray a cool, macho image. Even then, they don’t make it so obvious because they care about what people think.

My advice is to cut them off immediately. In the past, I would have let the friendship or interaction with another male family member drag on. Over time, you realize it was better to cut ties early on. The signs of envy were always there from the beginning.

4th Sep 2026

#Boundaries, #Covert, #Cowardice, #Ego, #Envy, #Fake, #Insecurity, #Integrity, #MaleNarcissist, #Narcissism
Be In The Moment

Happy September 1st, and to the final month of the 3rd quarter of the year. I realized that when you cut off not only toxic and narcissistic family but also friends, experiences in life feel so much more real and richer. This is a good sign, actually. It means the connection and obligation to them have become so broken that there is no going back to the previous life.

If there is something you have always wanted to do, just go ahead and do it without worrying about how it may be perceived or whether it is validated. At the end of the day, life is too short, and when you cut something out of your life, it is time to add more worthwhile things that will benefit you and make you happier. In a way, it feels like time is not being wasted but being spent more wisely.

This past weekend, I had planned to go with a group I knew to a very famous carnival held annually in London at the end of August. Due to certain circumstances, I decided to go solo. I thought going to a big event like this in a place like London would seem strange. But I did not care; when I was there, the weather was nice, and it was very busy and lively. I was just soaking it all in as I hadn’t been to the carnival in about 12 years. In the first few minutes, I had an interesting experience as I approached a man who had been on reality TV. It felt unreal. I hung out with him and his friends for a good few years. I met other people briefly and just made the most of the experience. I was getting compliments on my appearance throughout the day.

I am sharing this because when you do things solo and only be in that moment, your energy becomes a magnet for others, and it turns the experience into something else. I did not feel like I went solo, but just a man enjoying the moment along with everyone else who wanted to do the same.

1st Sep 2026

community, life, writing, travel, #SoloTravel, #Noexcuses, #NewExperiences, #Carnival, #Summer, #August, #Present, #Moments, #Joy, #Community
Hell Hath No Fury Than an Envious Narcissist

The worst thing is not someone who is directly angry with you, who throws hurtful insults or aggressively berates you. Instead, it is someone who holds silent hate. It is even scarier than the former because when someone is overtly aggressive, it is usually much shorter and more intense. It is a form of passive aggressiveness when someone is secretly envious of you. This is because it can occur over a much longer period of time and is much harder to prove. By the way, this is the secret weapon of a covert narcissist.

All narcissists, whether overt, covert, or even malignant, do display some forms of passive aggressiveness. But for the more covert narcissists, this is their ‘bread and butter’. It’s one of the few ways they manipulate and harm people without you initially realizing it. What is disturbing about this behavior from narcissists is that it is not about obvious things like wealth or material possessions, though those are still included. It depends on how one defines them. Most of the time, they’re envious if you’re an authentic person who is disciplined, ambitious, and confident. This is especially true if they have known you for a long period of time. It does not happen suddenly, but after many years, especially if you make significant changes to your life in terms of a career, hobbies, and even your personal appearance.

They will say things like, “you always do this” (insert whatever hobbies or plans you have and keep tabs on you. They would also offer a criticism that is not true of your actions or character. There is healthy envy where you look up to someone and learn certain aspects of them. However, narcissists’ and toxic people’s fragile egos, low self-esteem, and arrogance prevent them from doing this. Instead, it turns into unhealthy envy. Moreover, they are jealous if you’re a distinct and unique individual. This is because narcissists are very codependent and want everyone in their life, whether it is friends, family, colleagues, or employees, to be clones. When someone steps out of that, they secretly admire this because it serves as a form of supply but also threatens their pseudo-superiority. However, they disguise their envy and subtly convey that there is something wrong with you just by you simply being yourself.

28th Aug 2026

#CovertNarcissist, #Envy, #Growth, #Hate, #Healing, #Insecurity, #Manipulation, #Narcissism, #Narcissist, #ToxicBehavior, Mental Health, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic-abuse, relationships
You’re Not Responsible For Other People’s Mental State.

An expressive bronze sculpture captures intertwined human forms on a wooden pedestal.

There is something that I noticed when navigating narcissistic family dynamics or any high-conflict environment: there is an unwritten rule to manage the emotions and moods of particular people. Whoever upsets them in any way, whether it be a disagreement or doing something that does not concern or involve the narcissist. They then play a very childish mind game where you have to guess how they feel and act accordingly. It is a passive-aggressive technique used to make you a slave to their emotions because, a lot of the time, it is too much for them to handle. This also proves that they’re simply cowards, as they lack the emotional strength to deal with them.

On the other hand, their fragile ego prevents them from getting the help they most certainly need to confront their disturbing, uncontrollable thoughts. It is not your job to get them to recognise this. It never works on people like that anyway. Narcissistic people like to manufacture a relationship where they’re the child, and you’re the parent, except that they behave like an ungrateful, spoilt, and demanding child. They also create dynamics in a more insidious way, where they expect their children to be surrogate spouses. Female narcissists have a strong tendency to do this with their sons, especially if the woman is single. This is not healthy and creates a very enmeshed, codependent dynamic. In this case, you should not fall for the guilt trip, and hopefully you come to the realization that your mom is sick and needs help.

You can apply this to other relationships and situations. In the end, we’re grown adults; as children, it is adults’ responsibility for their feelings, but as adults, we’re solely responsible for our own feelings. Do not let anyone think that this is unreasonable by taking such a stance.

25th Aug 2026

#Accountability, #Autonomy, #Boundaries, #Codependency, #EmotionalControl, #Manipulation, #Maturity, #NarcissismAwareness, #Parentification, #Self-Respect, boundaries, healing, Mental Health, personal-growth, relationships
Male Narcissists Want A Man In A Female’s Body

Male narcissists want to find a very malleable partner, but also someone who, when needed, can be a substitute for some of the things he needs doing. In this way, it absolves them of all responsibility and accountability.

Since male narcissists care about their image so much, they only want to portray the role of a man in a cartoonish, over-dramatic way, so people can see them as fully competent. This is not the case as they always need someone to cheer them up and believe everything they say. It is not just romantic partners they act this way with, but also their mother, sister, aunts, etc. They also use them as tools to manipulate and hurt others. They create a sort of mini partnership with them. It resembles a Bonnie-and-Clyde-like dynamic.

A lot of times, you notice that some male narcissists lack male figures in their lives, which includes siblings, a parent, and friends. So they would recreate a male-to-male dynamic with the women in their lives.

19th Jun 2026

#Growth, #Healing, #Illusion, #Manipulation, #Masculinity, #NarcissismAwareness, #Scapegoat
Female Narcissists want a woman in a man’s body

A trait that I have quickly observed from female narcissists and other toxic types of women is the fact that they want to have things both ways. This becomes apparent later on down the line when they get into a long-term marriage and have kids.

Similar to their male counterparts, they are extremely superficial and overbearing, yet they have certain characteristics they want a man to possess. Since they have a vain outlook, they would want a man who can provide for them in every way, a man with status, amongst other things. It is not that other women do not do this; they surely do, albeit these women tend to be more grounded and realistic. However, I have noticed that they still want them to function in a very feminine way. It is a huge contradiction because it is like they want two very different things. But within the context of female narcissists, this makes sense. For instance, they have a very complicated relationship with male figures and authority. This is because a lot of them had a very difficult relationship earlier in life with their father or equivalent and male siblings. In other circumstances, they had a complete lack of this. This explains the paradox. Some female narcissists would have lofty and unrealistic expectations of men to compensate for what they lacked. On the other hand, wanting men to cater to their idea of a ‘man’ due to negative early interactions.

I find that a lot of female narcissists tend to take on a masculine demeanor as a way to dominate men, so having a man or even raising a young boy who has the exact same demeanor would cause huge conflicts. So instead, they would want the men in their lives to yield to them, always agreeable to their whims, and to have their main interactions with them. This is why they become very jealous and paranoid of other women and other outside influences that a romantic partner has. They act similarly to sons by being jealous of friends and their own romantic partners.

But since we’re humans, we adhere to our natural tendencies, so a female narcissist may try to instil feminine traits in men in their lives but also act more condescending and disrespectful to them. The ironic thing is that the same things that female narcissists want are the same things they mock. They would laugh behind a romantic partner’s back or patronize their son. In reality, they despise and are ashamed of a lot of these characteristics in themselves, so they resort to projection.

I can definitely say that male narcissists do the same and for similar reasons to their female counterparts. Stay tuned for the next blog this Friday, where I discuss this.

16th Jun 2026

#Feminism, #Gender, #Healing, #Knowledge, #Masculinity, #Misandry, #NarcissismAwareness, #NarcissisticAbuse, relationships, women
‘Good’ memories from the past are no excuse to return

It is hard to deny the past, whether good or bad. Despite the difficulties growing up in a narcissistic family system, in my experience, there are good moments, particularly as a young boy. Often, when you go no contact, they use ‘past good memories’ as a tool to get you to let them back into your life.

Initially, it works to keep you in contact, but in reality, bringing up past positive times does not excuse bad behavior, especially if the good memories were way back in the past. This is purely manipulation and is a way to deflect attention from what they’re doing in the background. This is because a narcissistic family will use a smear campaign by getting to control others’ perception of you if they can’t control you. By bringing up ‘past good memories,’ it is a desperate attempt to get back into your life. I would also say that it is a very weak attempt because it is trying to play into your inner child by also reminding you of what they did for you when you were a young boy. This is not a good excuse at all because if this were the case, then every interaction that gets worse in different relationships would be ignored.

29th May 2026

#BlackSheep, #Boundaries, #Fear, #Guilt, #Healing, #Narcissism, #NoContact, #Obligation, #Scapegoat
Avoid Attempts By Others To Humble You

It is one of those things where it is hard to call out straight away and determine whether it is malicious or just helpful advice. In a narcissistic family, if you physically grow, get older, start a new venture or job, these are opportunities for parents and sometimes siblings and extended family to ‘humble’ you. This is done by putting thoughts in your mind, indirectly conveying that you don’t have much experience or that what you’re planning won’t work because it didn’t work for them. It is presented as ‘just looking out for you’ or guiding you.

However, this is not the case, as it is used to undermine you and to put doubts in your head that you’re not knowledgeable enough or not experienced enough to pursue certain decisions. If you disagree that they indirectly portray you as ignorant.

This is not always from family; it can be from colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. In my experience, it is a similar situation to the above; you change something about yourself or take on a new challenge, and it follows the same pattern of talking you out of it or being passive-aggressive. In most instances, it is used in a condescending way to make you less confident. But remember, the main reason that they do this is because of envy and low self-esteem. If you were in a stagnant situation, then these behaviours would not be present. Also, if you used to be a certain way, they are more comfortable and accustomed to that old version, and when you change, it is more of a humbling experience for them since it reminds them of their lack of growth.

The way to deal with people like this is to assert boundaries straight away and to call out the behaviour for what it is, even if it causes offence. A lot of scapegoated men have had to do a lot of work on themselves, so allowing these behaviors to slide constantly is not helpful for the man you’re becoming. A better and healthier way is to reduce contact with these people. The constant defending yourself becomes tiring. This is something I used to do. I always used to think I had to make my point and put them in their place. It is helpful only to do briefly and then to disengage permanently.

26th May 2026

#Autonomy, #Change, #Growth, #Healing, #NarcissisticAbuse, #Positivity, #Power, #Respect, #Scapegoat, boundaries, healing, life, Mental Health, relationships
Why does the Universe become a challenge when you change

When we change, cut out certain people, leave new environments, and adopt a new mentality and way of life, it is always assumed that life will get easier and feel much smoother. I have learnt this is not always the case, and in fact, it tends to get harder before it gets easier. This is because it shows you what happens if you stay in your old patterns.

Challenges are a part of life, but I would say the biggest challenge of all is creating a better version of yourself. This version has less tolerance for certain people, places, and systems. It is risky and takes many years to become a version of yourself that you feel proud of. It is a lonely and difficult path, but worth every second. This is how you should view difficulties in life. It is really common to think that when new obstacles emerge, we are being dealt a bad deal. It is just that when you operate with more boundaries and clearer intentions for what you want, friction naturally occurs. This can be because you’re exploring the unknown, and as I mentioned before, it feels lonely because you’re either self-reliant or no longer relying too much on people’s opinions.

When you become more aware, you notice everything through a clearer lens and at times feel more of it. This can be inconsistency, unclear systems, or microaggressions. Also, challenges do not have to appear to punish us, but to reveal the old life falling apart. The newer version of the self needs to be involved with better people, more self-trust, and have more suitable systems to truly thrive.

19th May 2026

#challenges, #Change, #Compassion, #Evolve, #Growth, #Healing, #Trust
You weren’t raised by good people, but also not by bad people

It is a tough realization when you get older to look back on the past. It is on a case-by-case basis, but for some of us, it was good, bad, or somewhere in between, with a mix of both. For a lot of us who suddenly started to see a shift where parents became toxic, it is a stark contrast between when we were infants, toddlers, little kids, until we were teenagers and young adults. This is where there was a shift, and it can seem that it defined everything in your life, but it didn’t.

If you’re reading this, this means you probably overcame it by being a better man, but most importantly, a better person. I remember years back, when I encountered various people who would always comment on how I came from a good family. In my head, I used to laugh a bit and wonder if only they knew. In reality, it means you were around toxic people, but you did not let that stop you, and it is not the defining factor of your story. This means they didn’t really raise you because you had to ignore all the toxicity, but also to trust your own judgement and to practically raise yourself.

1st May 2026

#Growth, #Healing, #Identity, #Maturity, #NarcissismAwareness, #Patterns, #Scapegoat